simon cartwright "a flowing river of demented thoughts" (poems 2005-201?) poems #1-#?

HUMAN DOLLS

 

Pierce my scrotum!
As I’m castrated with a dull scalpel
Watch the semen and blood coalesce
Hack the cunt with a rusted meat cleaver
Death is sex
With real hair
With glass eyes
With chiseled teeth
With aborted skin
I make dolls for the children
#1

ERADICATING THE STENCH OF BIRTH

 

Blistered clouds were ripe
With pregnant bellies ready to split and spill
Then I was borne from a prick of the needle
And a drop of blood
I opened my eyes and cried
A world so hoarse with perversity
I tried to crawl back inside the sewn hole
Now cold and alone curling in wetness
I lay beside a decomposing cat
And dreamt of a wonderful world dying
#2

BLISSFUL DEMENTIA

 

My thoughts are decaying
my fingers are gnawed away
I drink my urine
and vomit into my scabs
while I lay in my feces
I am dying!
why do you allow me to keep breathing?
the infection is breeding
I am infested with life
kill me please!!! 
#3

 

SUNSHINE AND FLOWER STAINS

 

I woke up and realized nothing was left
but the insects and the shadows of the graves
I cannot stop myself from becoming psychotic
so I killed all those who were happy
and now I too found joy
in their tears and in their blood
I have found myself!
I am god!
#4

 

HANNAH: PART FOUR

I am no longer happy

Those days are buried now

Myself aged and molded like the shade of the tombstones

As for your beauty I dreamt of you again

This time deep in a coffin where you belong

I am scarred by you, this is true

But now I remember our love

As if staring into the darkness and not a flicker of light

In my heart there is no beat, my veins no pulse

Yet I live with piece of mind

Knowing your cunt is rotting upon another’s infected cock

And your mouth is vomiting from blood filled cum

As your asshole is ripped by a thousand fists as they whisper romantic words

Like I once heard from you!

#5

 

A GLIMPSE INTO MY MADNESS AND DISEASED THOUGHTS

 

Insects rape my mind

These corpses fall on me like rain

My body can't escape through tangled guts like twisting snakes

Sleepless dreams like bleeding eyes dripping out like semen from mouths

Who cares of our deaths?

A bed of flowers on a fresh pile of grave dirt to spit on!

A tombstone of a whore and bastards name

Why cry for me when there are flies laying maggots

In mouths of dead babies and worms as their tiny eyes

 

#6

 

 

BOJANA SWIMS IN HER YELLOW FIELD OF FLOWERS

 

You would look much more beautiful

Amongst these green stemmed and yellow flowers

If they were grey and cracked

Swept like ashes through your hair

Still o-how those eyes would shine like blessed pyres

Always so lovely in your photographs

Why is this so?

Perhaps to torture us is your sweet dream

Of us masturbating beasts

Well then whip us until we bleed and drip with burning sweat!

 

#7

 

IT IS NOT BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST!

She thinks of no one

Kisses of emptiness like the wind blowing through

I am just a leaf she stirs

Her heart beats like the abyss

As her scent of love draws us in

Then rots our body

Lost souls we've become whispers

Floating through her cunting womb

We are chained and whipped by her damned beauty

Memory is a curse!

 

#8

 

I DUG HER GRAVE WITH MY OWN BLOOD SPLINTERED FINGER NAILS LIKE A DOG HIDING A BONE

Her hair wrapped around her face and neck

So dirty and blood stained like a shredded sheet

Pale flesh cold and scraped

Limp and laid as if sleeping

Naked and bruised like rouge waiting to wake more beautiful

But for the flies gathering to kiss her purple lips and grey eyelids

She looked alive in this moment

She left my heart broken with a thousand slashes

All I felt left was a wishful death

As my gift to her to remember our love

Now all inside of me is empty yet I feel a slight smile

 

#9

 

ODE TO LIQUOR AND HER LOVE, MAY DEATH TAKE US BOTH

O-to drown my sorrow

Only to vomit it back up again

And to sleep on the floor like a moaning ghost

Then to drown them again tomorrow then the next

Until my sorrow has become as numb and cold as my body

Then I will not suffer the tormented memory of her love any longer

 

#10

 

 

HER ARMS AND HANDS ARE ROSES AND STEMS OF THORNS AND PETALESS BEAUTY WITHOUT MY WATERY KISSES

No one talks to me anymore!

No one but the wind and the darkness, ghosts

Shadows, friends crawling like worms

Let the fire consume these walking corpses called humans!

Nothing but snakes in their eyes and mouths!

Let them burn! Let them cry out to be my friend again!

And I will just laugh until I cry with joy

 

#11

 

IS THIS SOME FORM OF DEMENTIA?

I look dead like the decaying image of Jesus

The mirror bleeds as it masturbates

In my mind there is a piece of the puzzle missing!

Going insane perhaps? or perhaps I have already!?

Food covered flies drowning in my vomit

My eyes eating themselves

Like flowers without any sun light

My shotgun to my face will scatter my teeth

This may help stop the itching facial hair

I will try anything to make this life go away

No more rainbows dancing on television!

Mind controlling colors inseminate us

With visions they call the future!

I am fucking dying here!

And you inject me with pretty colors to calm me down

No future exists, you assholes! Like god, your science is dead!

 

#12

 

HANNAH, I SEND YOU MY LOVE WRAPPED IN DUCT TAPE AND ROPE

Don't feel so down on your luck

I love you

You should know this

Insane, yes I am!

But I love you just the same as if I were sane

#13

A WORLD WORTH LIVING IN

I like it alone, solitude and a cool breeze

I like desolation, despair, misery, suffering, pain, hate, agony, depression

Sunshine, smelling flowers, vacations to mental asylums

Things that make you feel alive inside

#14

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHE HAS BECOME MY INCUBUS OF EJACULATING BLOOD

 

This woman! Tormentor of my cock and balls, Torturer of my dissected heart

Love left like infected scars, Kisses of death with slow decay

Her touches are nails like Christ weeping

Hannah, my succubus, Damn her eyes like glass fire

And her smile laughing and shattering the moonlight

I am pleased to be chained to her beauty for a suffering eternity

 

#15

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KILL! FUCK YOU! DIE ALREADY! ME!

 

I am dead inside

Regurgitating life

Stabbing my neck with a knife

Blood like rivers stream down my throat

Blood stains the carpet

My hands are they my own!?

The voices in my head scream

Kill it! Stab it! Again, Again!

And the visions reflected in my blood

Simply laugh like the shadows of dead babies

 

#16

 

 

 

LIKE FLOWERS, A WOMANS CUNT GETS PLUCKED TOO

 

The fresh smell of a rose, its rolling waves of silk petals wet with rain drops

Then when aged by sun and time

The foul stench of rotting petals fall with a warm and dripping bitter smile

Both gardens had bloomed now shriveled of its color

Women and flowers seem to have many things in common

 

#17

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHEN I FELL FROM HER CUNT I FELT LIKE JESUS CHRIST

 

All my friends are fucking ghosts

Where are you!?

Lingering like insects in the wind?

Crawling like worms from the anus of a dead cat?

I have only my shadow here in place of peace

There is no one, nothing!

Only darkness blown by candlelight

The cold grip of my 12 gauge, my pills and my drinking

Have become my pitiful material possessions

Life does not comfort me any longer!

My friend solitude has been a friend for far too long

I want a new friend, a new place to lay

Where tombstones are grey and flowers wither away

I want no tears! I want no prayers!

I want no one to visit my rotting corpse

Until it has turned to dust

 

#18

 

 

FRIENDS ARE NOTHING BUT DEAD MORSELS FOR INSECTS

 

In the end friends are nothing more

Than worms in corpses and the stench of cunts and eyes

And their lover’s cocks twisted like rotted vines

There is no trust from ones lips!

From ones caressed breasts and breath

So I say pull out their eyes with playful fingers

Open wide their cunts and climb inside for a game of hide and seek

Castrate their cocks like hot dogs and hungry teeth

O-Mocking smiles of friends I despise!

Leave their mouths to swallow the flies from their carnivorous laughter

 

#19

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HANNAH: PART THREE

 

I guess she is dead as lovely dreams

In my lonely heart now

All has withered and aged bitter

Her memory has gone from my gloomy spirit

But still I pretend her here with me in warm, fire embraced agonizing kisses

 

#20

 

AN ARROW THROUGH THE HEART BY THE ONE THEY CALL WOMAN

 

I will never find another love

I am a dying wolf

But in my last moments I try to find peace from the war in my head

My wounds will not heal

Death awaits a game of chess with me

I have no hope left, nor fear, only the regret of being born from a woman’s cunt!

 

#21

 

LOVE BE DAMNED BY HER CUNT LIPS OF KISSES AND PROMISES

 

They broke my heart with such graceful snake like charm

Though I had loved these two women both the same

It isn't the one you may have thought first to lash her poisonous tongue, at least not at first

And when the other slithered in with her eyes bright opening her thighs to invite with poisoned nectar

To all men women make aroused lepers of us all

Their beauty buries us in their rotting, decaying womb awaiting 

Another virginal soul

To walk into their wind whispering scent

 

#22

 

WOMAN, FIRST THEY LOVE YOU, THEN THEY LEAVE YOU. THEN THEY JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS, FUCK ALL THEIR DECEPTIVE EYE’S AND DRUNKEN LIPS OF WINE!   I’m having problems with a girl(s), most likely this may lead to my suicide I am tired of the mysteries they hide and the war they play with my already fucked up mind  I will see first how many xanax and ativan pills I can take before my heart gives out or I become so numb I blow out my chest with my 12 gauge. fuck this decaying world! Woman is the devil and her cunt is a rotting withering flower! and pussy is not worth the torture and torment  It puts me through   #23   LET THE WORLD FUCK THE ONLY CUNT I EVER LOVED!   Love is dead! and I dissected it and buried it in a shallow grave Only hate and blood and death are real! Heart’s are weak tools for women to torture and torment I was safer in solitude! she took away my manhood! let her go and suck the cocks of dreams men offer her! fuck her lips of lies, like flies in my mouth are her kisses, fucking bitch! let her cunt rot! Let me choke on her beauty! I am no one without her, and she will be a shadow when the world is done fucking her ass!   #24   FRIENDS ARE NO MORE THAN FLIES ON SHIT   Friends I thought they were, are no more than knives in my back but I always knew, so I can't get mad all I can do is laugh even as my blood drains I will lay face down with a smile but as one final act of courtesy I would ask them to at least dig me a shallow grave before it begins to rain   #25       LOVE IS A FUCKING SADISTIC WHORE   Woman is a gun and her love is a bullet in the heart and skull of man their kisses and smiles are our graves yet I am suicidal, so I fall into the abyss of her eyes with her arms like knives stabbing my cock and spine until her flesh is dripping in my warm cum and cold blood as her tongue licks her fingers with fetishism   #26   ALL YOU FRIENDS HERE ARE NO MORE THAN A BURDEN TO ME   How am I doing you ask? at last I hear your voice but I am to numb to care I have not an ounce of love left in this prune heart, drowning in a world of liquor and pills My mind has fallen from reality, Insanity now reminds me of all my dead dreams I do not have feelings for those around me anymore! you all have buried me with your sympathy and pity, I close my eyes to you all And I walk away from your venomous smiles, there are too many knives in my back There are too many bullets in my skull, I want to sleep forever now As a broken and beaten man should be allowed, I owe none of you a reason for my death So call it cowardice if you wish but I am free from all of you now and happier in hell   #27       HANNAH: PART TWO   My rapture is a withered vine, in which I climb it up till her I find scarred and bruised by tongues like whips, teeth like needles and eyes like razor blades all for a scratching touch, devious smile and poisoned kiss I suffer through this torture, because my heart knows only torments love   #28   HANNAH: PART ONE   The one I love flesh, blood, bone heart slashed, stabbed, ripped out through all this torture, the one I love still I love   #29                 DO ME A FAVOR AND DIE ALREADY!   Fuck you all! die! why? Because I hate life and curse my birth You are all in my way like lice ridden vermin And swarming flies around shit molesting corpses Vomiting from your eyes with smiles and rusted teeth Breathing while I dream of you choking Follow suicide it is the way to bliss, And I wish you all a bloody death Save yourselves from this pathetic world Once you are all dead, I will follow you, I promise   #30   FEEBLE ARE YOU IN MY EYES!   I was better left alone in solitude, people are the light in my darkness And I hate the light, now I have my gun A bullet will end this suffering and their fake smiles will crack  Like broken mirrors and bloody teeth! as the snakes hatch from their eyes All of your bites of poison will not harm me I learnt long ago not to trust the hand I shake or the arms I embrace   #31     YOU ALL ARE INSECTS INFESTING MY LIFE AND INFECTING MY MIND   I hate you all! all of you are knives in my heart and back Soulless cunts! rot away Like weeds, such weakness is your flesh sheep to be slaughtered! stinking words you pollute me with indulge me in your dying please!? I care not for any of you! You have all proven unworthy to know such a god as I shadows beneath shadows you all are! I will enjoy watching you all fall like dead leaves from a decrepit tree, this would be such a beautiful dream To watch the sea wash you away   #32             LIKE RAPED BONES THROWN TO A STARVING DOG, I BINGE   My sweat drips in her mouth as I stab her cries drowning eyes of tears stained flesh so soft and bruised like a fallen fruit dying slowly she looked so lovely and poised in the night beneath the stars the knife shone with silvery blood this is my embrace, my kiss my semen inside her bloomed cunt will give birth to death as the womb of life is sliced and stabbed I hate her lips both cunt and mouth I hate her vanity so I mutilate her beauty and I laugh with such a rabid desire as when one loses his virginity now I have tasted virtue in its purist form and I crave more!   #33   HERE IS MY KNIFE AS PROMISED, NOW GIVE ME YOUR HEART!   Thanks to excessive drinking and pill abuse I feel bitter and numb inside you all have become the shadows of my shadow wilted flowers devouring flies your eyes are vast skies of emptiness such are your minds as well I hate you all with love I can't wait until we all die only to be born again and die again no regrets for my sins only a childish grin worship death worship dying obey the grave for soon you will all be its slave faith is a fraud your lives are full of wasted grace I told you only chains bind time and beauty and youth but you would not invest in the truth now look at you all crawling like worms in the dirt   #34 DEAD POETS DO NOT RISE! IT IS I WHO RISES!   I have read the poems of Bukowski, Poe and those other ill-faded souls and compared them with my past and present poems and it has been confirmed by me as well as his ghost that I am better than him!!! he is bowing unto my shadow now even Poe has stopped by to tell me hello I am the new hand of writ and their tombs my throne, their coffins my castle I am the only one worthy enough in my vainglorious writings to conquer the will of the faded genius' before me this is my time to slay the slain I will forge my name!!!   #35   THE HUMAN MIND CONFIGURATION   Worship nothing! for nothing worships you only the burial of life exists birth is a tragedy, a divine comedy heaven and hell mock us this world is a shadow beneath the sky echoes schizophrenic voices become our gods psychotic visions become our creation paranoia becomes our wisdom as it destroys us slowly death waits for us all in time yet death does not know it is I who waits for him time is an ocean of sand in our hands follow darkness and I shalt become follow flame and thou shalt suffer you and I are insects devouring ourselves in a dream that we will never wake from as it rewinds itself like a clock   #36       RAIN, FALLING LEAFS AND GRAVES ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS   The  rain reminds me of a woman's tears when you're leaving her It reminds me of a cold sweat from a drunken nightmare It (rain) also keeps the people inside that I hate looking at As they lounge around on the hood of the cars And sidewalks and steps, arguing and talking loud With utter disregard for others trying to sleep Frozen rain reminds me of shards of glass from a car wreck Except it's not speckled in red Falling leafs turning from green and soft to brown and cracked Fluttering in the wind like a butterfly or moth or bird with its wings unable to fly Twitching like a plane that has crashed And oh, the cemeteries, the endless graves of solitude and silence With fresh flowers and forgotten flowers and forgotten tombs So many names without faces, so many dates of birth end up the same as their date of death Oh what it would be like to be dead like them (?) No more thinking, no more driving, no more walking No more talking, no more fucking, no more smoking, No more wondering what to eat or wear or drink Or when you should wake up or brush your teeth or comb your hair No more showering or pissing or shitting Just sleeping, rotting away without any worries, I can't wait until I finally die! It'll be like a birthday present from death   #37                                         I AM NO MAN, I AM DYNAMITE!   You foolish flock of sheep, taunting the wolf!? you know not the depths of my wrath! My anger! My hatred! my loathing and intolerance for this macerating world and the human being It is deeper and darker than the abyss! The abyss as I stare into it seems like the sun compared to I and that which you see in these eyes! There is no mercy in my heart, there is no such feelings of remorse I am an unextinguished flame of infinite determination for the progress of eradicating the entirety! I know no fear, but fear knows me, and it hides in you like a fetus in its womb! Even love, I have slain! numb to the pain of tears, suffering has become my strength! And because of this conclusion I feel for life in general, I have become genocide! Without alpha, only the defiant omega!   #38     I HAVE STARED TO LONG INTO THE ABYSS   My days have become nights, my nights have become days My mind has become a tumor, my friends have all become shadows of bones I shit blood on the green grass from too many pills, and I piss blood in the dirt from too much whiskey The wind blows me like a cheap whore, I have become use to the smell of this vomit dressed world How long before I die, I wonder?   39                               HOW SICK IS SICK? WHO CARES! IT’S WORSE THAN FUCKING DYING!   I watched a dying cat on fire eating a bird with its wings pawed at and bitten off A lovely duet they made Until I pissed on the cat, but the fur was chard black It could have been a nice picture for a frame Or a painting, but it will always be a fond memory none the less The rain began to fall And the rats claws scurried off into the sewer drains I finally took a bath into the polluted air, cold and naked If I get ill so what! With no one to care for me I would starve and thirst and vomit and cough I wish I could kill my sickness, but it is immune And only my body would grow pale and cold and die Fuck you all! I am tired and I will not accept your phone calls Saying get well soon! I hope you all get sick too! We all get sick, all but the Jew who spreads this plague So that we have to buy their worthless medications! So I can only moan and wish I were dead for a week or three And soup never cures shit! only time So until I get someone else sick Then it's back to my daily life Of stabbing myself with knives for being so sick Remember to wash your hands after touching objects, Don't you realize how many people masturbate? Germs are everywhere! Children are Jew lab rats carrying this virus So if you have kids keep them in cages!   #40                     LET THOSE WORSE OFF THAN ME PERISH! THEN LET DEATH COME FOR ME SO I CAN HAVE THE LAST LAUGH   I know many people in this world suffer in their own way, but I simply don't care! I am not them, I am me! I have apathy for them all! Do they care for my slowly rotting life or why I was born!? No! they are less than shadows to me And when the sun has set to dusk so have they, and good riddance!   #41   THE BALLERINA OF THE GHOST BALLET   Dance, Alexis dance! forget what they have to say With your weak ankles and broken knees, I believe! Fold your arms to your breasts, then bloom like a flower! Let them see your beautiful smile, scars and all! Pretend you're in the clouds swimming in the air, where you can never drown Hold your chin up gracefully! Unravel the ribbon from your hair Like a curtain, let it fall and flow like a blanket across the sky No one cares to applaud, but you're doing fine, like a bird in flight So damn the eyes of those who may hide and laugh and point jealously toward the sky! For they have no dreams, they're too old and bitter to see themselves in youth So let them rock in their creaking chairs, while you ignite the stars!   #42                                   I AM THAT WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE NOT   My hate is washed in the wounds of your gushing blood I believe you all to be parasitic and treacherous! While I was sane, you were there to make me think I was insane! Now I know rats and sheep you all are! Yes I am the rabid, foaming wolf Leaping, leaping to ravage with claw and tooth seeping deep into your feeble flesh! My hunger is malicious and my thirst is even worse, for I have no remorse!   #43   THE ABSENCE OF IDENTITY   I am a disappointment to all the people around me I am an unimportant piece of shit who is waiting for its death I have nothing to offer this life, my existence means nothing My only purpose in this world is to rot in dirt and give life to worms Through my corpse, that's all! nothing more, nothing less My birth, this flesh, I regret!   #44   THE WAY OF THE HUMAN RACE   All us wolves prey upon the sheep When the thirst and hunger calls deep within But when the sheep have all been slaughtered Now comes the time for the wolves to turn on each other Humility does not exist when blood is scarce to taste And flesh becomes a banquet of bones   #45                       LIFE IS A CLOWN SMILING AT YOUR SUFFERING EXISTENCE   Life is like a knife, all it wants is your flesh and blood Then your last dying breath. life has no mercy on your bones It will bury you alive! there is no remorse nor guilt In the eyes of life! all life becomes just another shadow of a grave In this endless birth of pain and pseudo bliss The kiss of life is far worse than the kiss of death!   #46   FROM THE WOMB OF BLISS INTO THE TOMB FILLED WORLD   My eyes are swollen shut, screams piercing, while laughter mocks my nakedness Soaked in the blood of a cunt, cutting my navel, cutting my penis What kind of existence is this? It smells like piss and shit! Throw me back into the darkness from which you pulled me out! Help me! My eyes are opening, All I see are teeth chattering and burning light This whore of a woman who they call a new mother holds me in her weeping arms My body is cold, what happened to the warm blood?   #47                                           MICHELLE PINAUD: PART ONE   She's so lovely indeed, but out of reach Like a child stretching for an apple from the forbidden tree,  All that falls are leafs bitter, never that which is sweeter Waiting too long to tell that one girl, that woman  How you’ve always loved her may be too late As Eden burns around you, you are despairingly ready to walk Through that great wall of fiery forgetfulness As that last memory of her becomes ashes in the wind   #48   DEATH MY DEAR FRIEND, SHALL WE PLAY ANOTHER GAME OF CHESS?   Is it I who gives into death, Or is it death who gives into me? Death waits so lonely for us, while we mock him with the sin of life   #49   MY MIND IS ON FIRE, I NEED A DRINK OF WATER   I like the blood in her veins All blood is blue like new born eyes about to cry And cold until it hits the air then flows like a river, Yet warm and thick violin strings broken Piano wires broken such beautiful sounds they would have made   #50   THE DYING DAYS OF AN OLD WOLF   There is no more fight left inside my heart Only the struggle remains, I am lost In pain, in suffering, in despair My hate has become a dim fire, my will has been scarred What will become of me when the flesh and bone and spirit Are weak and broken? shall I then become the victim?   #51     YOU CAN’T BE NARCISSISTIC AND ECCENTRIC IF YOU’RE SOBER AND SANE   Has winter died? Why does the sun shine Where frozen rivers now cry Blue skies and black clouds drown Leaves reborn from the ground I have killed your god And I wish to kill you As I dream of a world of emptiness All of this is heavenly bliss I knew my true love and hell existed let's fuck amongst the blooming flowers of resurrected graves   #52     A FLOWING RIVER OF DEMENTED THOUGHTS   My mind is a dead prison Or perhaps an asylum I was once in Could it still be (my mind) in a state of Childhood trauma or infancy With lunatic winds blowing leaves Spinning like a ballerina in flames I laugh until my eyes cry From the dust of a girls hair Wrapped in my eyes like knives But her apologia I can tell was keen And her voice soft like a doves broken neck And then I hear her skip away Until the footsteps fade Then the school playground became A thousand graves and a million flowers all melted plastic Fantastic! So I day dream of whistling while I try and find her name But all I could find was one tiny shoe with its buckle rusted With nails broken inside In my dreams the girls I love always run away or die I wonder why?   #53   IF I COULD STAB THE WORLD AND KILL IT WITH ONE STROKE I WOULD!   Why am I so bitter one might ask Oh, I ponder this question, but not for long Being born from a wretched cunt, I would reply Without being asked if I wanted this life And thrown into this world I hate beyond compare And I would wish it to hate me back to be fair Damn the womb of woman! Damn the love and the lips and shining eyes that lie Without words, but beauty alone For the weak will of man shall always fall to his knees Along with his kingdom then his head The lustful heart has no boundaries   #54     FUCK YOU AND YOUR HAPPY NEW YEAR!   Ah, yes another year to regret being born, damn the seed of man! I wish its seed to falleth upon the lips of lust and waste Damn the womb of woman! I wish it barren and miscarried My only resolution is the end to another new year of aimless humanity In a world with hopeful ambition only to fail every time! Yet again the moth drawn to flame never learns does it?   #55                               HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME INSIDE YOUR WHITE WALLS?   As insane as I you may be Michelle And they are Sane to say this yes, but why are they in chains and taking our medication? We will always be free in our minds with trap doors Hand in hand dancing down the road to oblivion on a snakes spine And we will lead to nowhere, but it is always somewhere We desire to travel, so our talon feet unravel, as we see a shovel in an open car trunk Now we can dig our bed and sleep, and dream of sheep, but slaughtered are we?    #56     I ONCE WAS THERE, BUT NOW I’M HERE   I am bored as hell maybe I should not have taken so many pills as always But when no one calls or visits all one has is the numbness of a barren canvas to imagine And I can create new friends and phones to call me anytime and graves to visit old friends of those Who left me long ago, because I became a demented personality I will dig up the graves of ex-lovers for one last dance and kiss Before I lay them back down to rest, as I piss and shit and spit On their bones for leaving me! I think I still need more pills, it's a shame I stopped drinking   #57                                       A LAST SUPPER FOR THE PIGS   Arrogant humanity! your greed is my relapse into hate You have laughed at my poverty, now your blood flows from my hands like wine! Where is the bread of Christ? and now you drink from my thoughts But you've been poisoned! not from any sin, but from my intolerance of one whom eats Like a starved dog and offers none to its humble host!   #58   RUBY   She was eaten away with cancer, and went peacefully in a morphine dream On march 24, in the year 2000 As I lay a wilted rose upon the dirt, brown grass and gravel I promised myself I wouldn't cry But to see your name and picture across a cold piece of stone Leaves me empty to the bone, I think about you day and night I am sorry if I never said I love you, I didn't mean to seem so cruel   #59                                             POE AND BUKOWSKI HAVE NO REASON TO FEAR DEATH NOW   Who says I should fear death!? The drunkard with vomit on his breath The homeless drones chewing pennies? Beards like Jesus Christ will not make you wise You've seen how foolishly he died Besides death and I have many things in common He's walked in my shadow and I in his So spare me your slurred speech and false teeth chatter! With one finger I can scourge heaven! With one toe I can freeze hell! No, it is you and you alone who should fear death Out of fear of those you loved now dying Those tears oh please, I have seen them many times And they always get wiped away When I am dead I want laughter! No black colors, no tombstone, no store bought flowers to say goodbye Just bury me and leave! Death and I have a game of chess to play And it may take eternity to checkmate!   #60                                           IF YOU FALL IN SHIT THE FLIES MIGHT FOLLOW YOU   Fish guts swim in the sea Like regurgitated babies Bones bathe in yellow piss I feel wet cunt teeth But my arms are mouths Masturbating dead flesh Eyes rupture as they blink Leafs gather in a fire Vomiting rain is the after-birth Of sunshine Clouds of ashes obscure The frozen sky I listen to the earth die I dig a hole in the dirt And fuck it like an incestuous cunt Flowers wither on a grave And I laugh as if I were a child With my first erection Knife Flesh Blood Death Dreams of masturbating As she dances gracefully without feet   #61                               DON’T WAIT FOR THE END OF THE WORLD, THE END OF THE WORLD WAITS FOR YOU!   I think the world ends day by day for mankind we will live forever in everlasting peace and war this is our karma, our destiny and fate to struggle and fight like children with their toys hatred will never destroy, it will only create new ways  to destroy until the time to re-create has come loyalty and betrayal are brother and sister both have one name, nature! its sufficiency is balance, yet holds absolute prejudice over  the ego for human evolution, technology, and architecture! you can not kill nature, the son of god, yes! but not the wrath and incestuous ballet of nature!   #62     I CAN’T FUCKING SLEEP, GODDAMN STRAYS OUTSIDE!   Fucking bird with his pecker bigger than mine! perched on the morning wood I will show him! I will shoot him right out of that tree! and while I am at it, I am tired of hearing the ticking off the clock every fucking second! and the barking of the dogs as they shit in my yard and those meowing cats on the fence by my window and knocking over my trash cats running from the dogs but first I got to go take a piss then the only thing that'll be heard is my shotgun and then the silence of falling feathers of a bird, the guts of a dog and the scattered fur of a cat!   #63                       HAPPY NEW YEARS! NOW WHEN IS THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST COMING!?   Great! a new year that the promise of the world doesn't end! A new year of more dead babies being born by parents more concerned with fucking It's such a wonderful life! let's start digging more graves in the name of god and good will toward man Let us celebrate the birth of Jesus with a drunk Santa clause and a child molesting catholic priest Until the countdown to the fireworks nuke the skies with colors of mutated eyes   #64   CLARISSA, THE ONE I LOVED AND LOST WHILE I WASTED MY YEARS IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL THINKING ONLY OF HER TO PASS MY TIME IN HELL   Why did you leave me this way? A broken man drowning in a river of tears, beer, whiskey and drugs My once sunny, green and blue world has turned dark, dead brown and grey I knew you would castrate me! that's what every woman’s cunt does And now I am a shadow, frozen on a wall of dissected bones Enveloped in rotting vines of passions worm filled fruit Clarissa, I hope the shores of corpus Christi drag you out and swallows your laughter And devitalizes your beauty! so you can join me down here in the company of misery In a grave of salt and sand where I have carved all your promises in my heart With a sadomasochistic sea-shell   #65                                 A DUSTY BOOK OF PHOTOGRAPHS FROM LIFES PAST FOUND IN THE ATTIC   Words people offer are dead to me now, like rain pouring down a gutter of trash Only words of drunk breath will comfort my woe I weep deep inside, my tears are trying to break free From my eyes, but I force them shut like prison gates To console my broken heart would be pretentious moments wasted Best used wisely for memories that are frozen in photos I do not want to be remembered smiling   #66   WOMEN! YOU BATHE YOURSELF IN THE WICKEDNESS OF GREED AND LUST   I no longer consort with happiness and love All women have licked my heart into a wrinkled prune All women are as much of friends as Judas and Jesus were All women love only gifts they desire from dying lonely men I will never love again nor ever trust a woman’s words For all a woman offers are lies and a nail in the coffin   #67                                           THIS HOSPITAL IS MENTAL IN MY MIND!   I have dreamt of such things But would never have done them Not with my fingers seizing with a cold knife in hand Even though I know the blood would warm the blade But the flesh and tears always get in the way! Let me out of this maze! Nurses are chasing me on their toes like ballet performers Trying to insert a catheter into my cock But they won't stop to take a breath And I have been smoking too much! Where's my doctor!? I need my pills, or maybe different ones! Chattering teeth are getting closer Even my shadow has run away, such a coward! I hate the straightjacket! I know it fits me, and looks good on me But I can't piss or masturbate without my hands free, to do as I please! O-the nurses always catch me in the end But there's always a way out of this maze Next time I will just follow the rat, or is it a mouse? Either way I am sure I will find the key tied to the cheese Before the nurses come back to probe me again and again!   #68     (KOLOBOS) LEAP FROM THE CHAINS OF THE FLESH! I have got blood on my hands, but whose? Mine?  Why!? my heart kept pounding through my chest So I stabbed it to death! Now what about the voices in my ears? I am still seeing visions of tears even though I have carved them out! I am still breathing! As I stab and slash my lungs into pieces! I slice open my throat to help the air escape, but all there is are gurgling and coughing And choking sounds! This flesh is alive! It stretches and itches! I want it dead! I am begging to chop into these aching bones! Until the sound of emptiness indulges me As I lay in a shadow of red flowing non-existence   #69         MY HANDS ARE MURDEROUS! HAVE I FRIENDS HERE?   Full of hate with prideful heart and broken chains The flesh has no power! Its will is drained! While impiously devouring angelic flies! Your heaven once tore these wings asunder! To watch me plunder deep into a lost chasm Where this desolate abyss now bears fruit in a garden of sin and revolting pleasure! Cloak me in the robe of Christ! Bring me the spear of Longinus! Then crown me with the skull of saint Michael! I am Lucifer! the nature of man’s natural ideals!   #70    DAMN THIS WORLD TO HELL AND YOU WITH IT!   Here we go again! another day in the ghetto of San Antonio Gangs on every street, drug addicts and whores and their parasitic pimps Cops swarming like insects, needles and bums Why won't they give up their will already and die!? My eyes can't stand the sight of them! Drunks singing songs of vomit and burps while pissing down their leg I wish they would throw themselves into the trash can lit fires! Save us all the shame! And what have you done yourself to help rid us of this infestation!? Don't ask me! My solution would be illegal! I have hated the stench of this world since birth! Infected with bars and clubs and strip-clubs and traffic! Fuck it all I say! I have had enough! God hasn't done shit and never will So it looks that way!  He must like the rapists and murderers and pedophiles and prisons! I guess a shotgun and a few dead bodies will send god a fucking message!  And I am going to kill Whoever gets in my way!   #71                     I SPENT MY DAY ON THE PARK BENCH, AND IT WAS BETTER THAN MASTURBATING AT HOME TO PORN IN NOTHING BUT MY SOCKS   Over concrete grass two lovers rolled around In the fresh morning breeze, laughing like children being born again For the mere pleasure of sin, kissing with tongues and spit galore Holding and pulling at each other with her hand on his cock, and him with his hand under her shirt Squeezing her tits, as his other hand made its way under her skirt wetting her cunt by rubbing her clit All the while legs wrapping like mating serpents I watched them lust and thrust for a while, for it amused me, and it was better than watching the Pigeons peck at the crumbs the elderly threw, as these annoying rats with wings shat on my shoes! But the view across from me was worth the outside noise and the inside musty stench Oh, to be so full of such spontaneous disregard And this is our future? I wonder what tomorrow will bring?   #72   THE PASSION OF THE BUTCHER   Yes, I do not wish for my precious knives to start to rust now They are alive just as plants need sun and water and soil My blades need flesh and blood! Oh, my poor knives so thirsty and hungry   #73                                     A BILLION GHOSTS AND I THEIR HOST   Plucked down like fruit are the stars, slumbering is the wind as ashes gather in my hand The whispers of life begin to fade. I have found peace amongst the flame and rain  no longer do the eyes of humanity mock as chard flesh cracks and peels away Tears have petrified upon their pathetic meek cheeks, inheriting nothing! I cannot help but smile as I dreamt of a world ablaze by my hate, but then I wake I walk amongst the ruins of existence. no cries I hear, no shadows I see, no life I touch Only bones and a world of buried monuments. all has withered away in such tragic beauty As myself and soul waltz under a sky of impending darkness. I coalesce with the emptiness solitude has always been my lost paradise, and now I have found it without you   #74   HOW A DYING BREATH WHISPERS LONG AFTER IT’S DEAD, BURIED AND RETURNED TO ASHES   The bird or is it a plane, looks down as it flies in a circle Then plummets to its death. nothing in this world is loved, only tolerated Like retinas staring into the sun or skin blistering and peeling Wishing for the cool moon to soothe. bliss is a smile of a drunken mother Anger is the laughter of a cheating father. soon they will age and creak like the floors They will crack like the walls and grow cold like the basement before flickering out like the light bulb To go from birth to youth to adulthood then back to birth and finally the return to the womb This is the comedy of life   #75   LIFE IS A GRAVE AND TO THE CASKET WE ARE ENSLAVED   Valhalla for us warriors? Where else since this world is hell And heaven is but a dream of a child force fed by mother and fathers phobia Maybe all we find when we die is six feet of dirt, rotting flowers and a corpse Turning slowly into dust when we die Either way, death is better than anything I have found worth knowing in life   #76               IN HONOUR OF THE TORTURED LIVES OF HUMANITY GRANTED UNTO US BY THE GRACE OF GOD   Plague consumes your flesh, because your race is unworthy Begging a god you have never seen will not heal you, has he yet? Famine is your ignorance! You have an abundance of food Before your sunken eyes and swollen bellies! Slaughter the sacred cow, swallow the flies Dismember each other! Eat! Feast! Let the blood flow as wine! Drink! Spit out that baleful! War destroys your land because you are weak And rely on hope, faith and prayer, which none has helped, only the greed of money Is god and this is given by the human ego alone! Why hasn't your god lifted you from poverty and bloodshed? Maybe he watches his creation of destruction and masturbates upon your corpses of churches and creeds!? Death is all that exists, god is dead! He only lives in your stories, which I wipe my ass with! If you believe in this god, then why are you so afraid of dying? Heaven awaits does it not? Ask your god why so many die in his name! Is it because of his sadistic will we suffer? I pity you who find solace in such a savior! Pray to your god at night And listen! it will only be your voice you hear   #77         I AM NO POET, I AM JUST A MAD MAN WITH TOO MANY WORDS ON MY MIND   My writings are an incurable fever of coughs and mucus Letters found clutched in the hand of a ragged and drunk poet In which I grabbed from his shivering hand. Poems of love are poems of death he last confessed My prose are for beautifully bound girls, about dead boys they once admired And for them alone my pen flows like blood from my finger as my thoughts pour out like rain Or a grievers tears. All I have grown to know, all I see is dementia, so I write what I have become So let them mock my words! They come from a labyrinth of emotions which no educated man could understand the depths I walk through, except perhaps Dante I am madness indeed! And madness is the only truth worth listening to! And these stories of her love I wrote of are buried in books of dust and left unsigned   #78             THE DOGS HAVEN’T BEEN FED TODAY   Rot away and wither you stinking cunt! Your loving words were a pseudo kiss As I cut your lips from ear to ear, your beauty sickens me! Anal bleeding screams are what you deserve! Stabbing your eyes out with a dull knife I want you to feel my fingers in your wounds as they spread You are a piece of meat tenderized for the dogs! You scarred me with promises of love And now I have scarred you! I will watch with a smile, the contorting of your body Until you are limp and motionless then I will throw your scraps to the hungry dogs!   #79   THE THORNED ROSE HALO   Love is a strange word to hear and to say as well It has to many meanings, to many promises and lies It stabs the heart like a knife! It reminds us of pain and memories Better kept away from tearful eyes. I have no need for this word! It has become useless in today’s world! I would rather spit and curse my life than to hear this word Even one more time before I die! And even then I would rather burn in hell Than hear my mourners cry it out once more!   #80     HER VANITY WAS A BROKEN MIRROR   With waiting kisses and pouting of the lips to all men, but I loved her first! A stab to the heart which had broken mine would make me hers again  As for those whom lusted after her Now they have but blood on a knife and a stained torn dress to remember her by! I will remember her as she was, and smile, when all the world knew she was mine!   #81                               LOVE IS AN EMPTY WORD IN THE ARMS OF SEWN LIPS AND SEVERED TONGUES   Fuck you all! leave me here to rot! want to rot with me? well you're going to! like animals I will raise you for the slaughter I own the whip and the chain serve me! and then you may leave as the heads of cows and the guts of sheep! you're all fucking pigs swimming in shit! graves are beds and bones are blankets and your pillow is your severed head! I am the killer television warned you about! you should have been watching instead of fucking in the car listening to your fucking music! stay at home and read a book next time!   #82     I WANT TO WATCH THE INSECTS FEED ON YOUR CORPSE   Jesus sent me to cut out his mothers cunt for the hungry multitude but the flies were too much I had to vomit, then I got excited and I ejaculated into her vacant eyes, and as i pulled out her teeth I smashed her face with a rock -Jesus, I swear she was already like this when I got here! someone even fucked her bleeding asshole and fecal cunt my son, then why is your penis covered in maggots? so I accused him of being the son of god so I gave them a bucket of nails and a roman spear and went and got drunk with Judas, and gave him a rope to hold   #83                     BLOOD STAINS AND PIECES OF FLESH ARE ALL THAT REMAIN OF A MISSING SOUL   The world blooms as the flowers wither as does the dirt sprout insects to gorge their decaying bloated remains as nature intended them to fornicate am I to live in flames of burning fur? am I to bathe in wine and gluttony? lifelessness and solitude find peace beyond the night, but there is no future in the dim and falling stars the moon shone as the trees grew decrepit and its leafs fell like forbidden fruit shook loose by the indecorous wind rotting, rotted as the sun rose the stars became clouds faded and grey I only wish to die amongst the ants and rats as the cats lick my pale lips and pussing eyes leaving my bones to the starving dogs   #84                                             SONG OF THE CRICKETS   What appetites I could show you fingers in your mouth, choke! your screams arouse me a knife against your salty pale and firm breast I can feel your breath as your heart beats faster your throat gulps with fear as I squeeze your slender neck run, run from me, I want to play cat and mouse I can smell your sweat dripping from your chin I can smell your urine soaked panties hide, hide in the dark with the spiders, rats and roaches crawling in your tangled hair I promise I won't hurt you! mother never gave me a hug, will you give me a hug? the grass and weeds are tall and green I see blond which doesn't belong, are you there? yes! run rabbit run! oh no, it seems you've fallen and twisted your ankle your luck has run out, and the clock has lost time this rabbit foot isn't lucky so I will have to cut it off “no please!” yes! limp, limp away little rabbit as her eyes squirt from their sockets like cracked eggs   #85                                 ÜBEL: PART FOUR   The darkness crept from beneath the door Surrounding her bare feet with a cold chill The walls behind her bled as a voice whispered Then nothing was there but the silence of the wind Her eyes were dismal and weary and the night was long and eerie Grim movements stirred along her floor, with creaks at every door Her sheets covered her whimpering Just then her bed began to sink, its legs began to bend Her stomach  suddenly felt ill As she looked down under the sheet She spread her legs, and a tongue protruded from her cunt Lashing at her thighs and even lacerating them As she tried to scream two severed hands crawled onto the bed and covered her mouth Then one hand Began choking her until her eyes were bulging and bloodshot While the other hand scratched at her face while tearing and pulling at her hair Her breast's nipples grew eyes and her navel opened like a mouth, calling out in a child’s voice, Mommy, feed me! puss and sour milk dripped from her nose, then suddenly she woke! Don't worry my daughter, mothers here now go back to sleep Then with a butcher knife mother sliced open the daughters stomach and pulled out her intestines and Cradled them like an infant So beautiful my sons baby is, we'll name it übel   #86                           ÜBEL: PART THREE   Have you woken yet? And what woke you? Are your dreams still lingering like shadowy hands across your back and around your neck? Do you feel cold? When my breath passes across your naked breasts? Or do you think it is the air prying from the open window From behind the silk curtains? Why then step so softly if you're not afraid Of the sound scratching so teasingly beyond the locked door? Are you still wondering who or what is in that room? Do you miss my kisses?   #87     ÜBEL: PART TWO   Those who love you more than me, I say they are ravenous! Their words of love are split tongues They want your wide eyes to see into your strange world So they may feed off all your promises and beauty But for you I uncoil and agape my torso! Devoured are those you love! Devoured are those who love you! Devoured is the word and thought of love! These chains cast from the suffering of forbidden love Are bound for you and soon you will come to learn These scars are my meaning of love and bitterness   #88                             ÜBEL: PART ONE   I live in a world of graves, dancing slaves whores with bruised bones stricken with old age, the elderly sing in the street while being pissed and spat on drug addicts masturbating with razors ejaculating into sores with teeth decayed and yellow we  are fucking the earth with fire and rain hate makes me imagine the death of peace I will not forget my birth! I will not forget the cunt that ripped me out! all things which breathe will suffer and grow sick until I am returned to the womb, I will mutilate every cunt with a knife! and I will smile like a child   #89     THE MISTRESS OF SPIDER WEBS AND SKELETAL FLIES   A dying bird plays me its song when the night is empty and all is gloomy fog covers the frozen ground painted with blood splatter so bright 'neath the moonlight we here whom are so scarred and rabid beasts of men drawn to the scent of the cunt we see no eyes only the lips that open and slip down to choke on us in a frenzy of pleasure we sneak like rats for the one thing that will satisfy our putrid gut and vile breath when claws are drawn into each other, pride is victor! when only one lays beside the heel of the Terra Djinn   #90                   DANCE ALEXIS, DANCE   Like an ice sculpture in a garden you were now you're always tired! curled on the floor i gave you a chance to dance for me, for the world your ankles are weak, if they break so should your dreams, just like your mothers! you don't care to please me! faster, faster! twirl and jump, fly like a dove your ankles you've broken them! I will fix them for you no father don't cut off my legs! then use your hands to crawl! I will sew them back and they will be good as new sleep now, now you can dance again! dance with your mothers smile feel the summer breeze o-your tears darken the white clouds as well as your whining, you scare the crows away! quiet, come here I will make it better put these sewing needles through your arms, and across your lips this will bring back the music of the crows now these sewing needles must go through your palms and through your eyes, so your tears may hide from the shining sun now dance, dance my lovely princess, just like your mother!   #91                                       A WALK THROUGH DEATHS GARDEN   Life is death waiting to grasp the last naive moment of breath escaping we're just waiting to be buried, cremated born from graves of wombs filled with no desire to love we're born to serve suffering from the grand sin of lust smiling faces with rotting teeth and brittle fingernails poor dear children growing like plucked flowers splashing in puddles of urine and vomit washing their hands in the holy water of pedophiliac churches paths we travel over broken glass, and nails and rocks just to bathe in the blessed blood of slaughtered animals, menstrual cunts and massacred bodies yes, our god is here, but he is blessing  virgins through immaculate rape for the masochistic pleasure of sadistic boredom so that new children may be born to the glory of blight   #92     BEGOTTEN MISBEGOTTEN   Dream my slaughtered sheep while the wolf feasts Wars are fought and won by me and none between! So sew your wounds while I laugh My medals are scars, yours shall be the stars Your belly hungers for god, but I have sewn your mouth As the cobwebbed cunt of Mary cries I have pulled out her teeth and ejaculated into her bleeding eyes Crushed bones shall be their homes, and they shall bathe nude in dirt and worms Of murdered wombs of their mothers, on embryos they will lay their heads And raped skin shall blanket them from my whip! I am the goddamn devil!   #93                   THE ASYLUM WEEPS AT NIGHT: PART TWO   The pills they give me hatch eggs in my brain They want to control my secret thoughts I spat into their pink laboratory eyes Then screamed as the needle calmed my vein I am sane! I am saved! As I lay on the cold floor in my drool I watched the green grass turn into flames From the caged window They drug me to a steel table with leather straps They used razors to open my eyes They kept me there for days with nothing but my vomit to quench my thirst As statuesque nurses looked over me  My eyes were made of stitches, but I could feel them fondling me I could not even walk, they had cut my legs and arms off They left me next to a crematorium like a Jew I could taste the smell of ashes As they dropped me on the floor in a pile of corpses I used my chin and waste to slide away inch by inch I used my guts and bloody stumps to climb out the open window where I felt its cool breeze But I slipped and fell, breaking my neck Then I was dragged and thrown into the crematoria Where naked nurses danced at the sight of my chard bones   #94                                       THE ASYLUM WEEPS AT NIGHT: PART TWO   Quiet are the stars, hidden behind the white walls for the insane Stale is the air in the blue sky at twilight The asylum kept me warm with its pills and its nurses Screams were heard all night yet bright were the lights Tormented laughter relaxed my perverse thoughts As I wept tears only to wipe the fear from my memory I feel their pain bah, bah for the wolves in wait As they have a last supper and masturbate themselves to sleep, tied in their sticky sheets prey for the Wolves feast After lovely views of violence, torture, and spite, my night’s sleep finally came As I dreamt of the sweet wishful gift of flesh and necrophilia, I see a pale figure laying in the autumn Leaves, cold and obviously ravaged by some animal Her hair covered her face to the left side Her naked limbs spread like waves and branches Her curdled blood stained her flesh Dirt and leaves I swept her hair from her white icy eyes and blue cheek and caressed her purple lips gently I fingered her rancid swollen cunt Why? I guess out of morbid curiosity of death I guess we all live mortal sins behind pseudo masks of humanity Though I did not kill her, I only fantasized about fucking her If this makes me guilty, then why not the animals whom had a taste of her first, or the insects and Maggots that molested her by nestling in her decomposed beauty Ah, but then again this was one of my many sweet dreams As I awoke to a new day by the nurses in their teasing skirts It was time for my pills again   #95                       SO YOUNG WERE WE ONCE AND FULL OF CURIOUS CRUELTY   As a child I have tortured and dissected Many, many different animals All of which I must admit I regret! For the only worthy animal in this world To be tortured and dissected Is the human being, and I have no regrets there!   #96     WHOM HERE AGREES, LOVE AND HER ARE BOTH A DISEASE?   Love is dead and I stabbed it in the face Then carved out its heart and maimed its womb! Which woman could I have had? perhaps none! Sure they all have their charms Then again so does the devil In the end I am better left alone In the darkness with my madness So you lusting broods, hurry and choose the girl of your dreams, before I have killed them all!   #97   THE SOUND OF NATURE DYING   Has the bird lost its wings? Plucked out perhaps feather by feather Can it still sing? It sounds so out of tune Shall I leave it for the cat’s curiosity? Obviously I am being cruel, so I will   #98                 BONDAGE THE FLESH TO WOO THE HEART   O-sweet mortal sin of carnal theory How woman is most beautiful when suffering And tears are oh so flowing Yet no cries heard when mouth is locked But opened only for the taste of cock And then comes the lashing across the ass and back When tied like an animal and humiliated Then she will succumb to your precepts of love   #99               UPON MY EPITAPH, SHITS A BIRD   Why is everyone laughing at me?! Everything hurts, but it's numb I feel slow like a snail The cats and dogs are circling me with glass eyes I lay in a fetal position, as the world mocks me Mother says it's the pills poisoning me inside So the doctor cuts them out of my stomach And little bugs flicker and slither out of my guts I see now my only friends are dead I am dying too! I am dead! Mourners are disturbed from their one minute silence As something injured writhes in the bleakness Its cracked beak twisting and frothing With broken wing and scattered feathers and twisted neck Its tongue sings an echoing shriek O-the agony of its last twitching moments of life And all the while beneath the flower scented earth A corpse comfortably smiles an eternity   #100   THEY BROUGHT THE PLAGUE   Let those who are freezing remain so For their breath of brandy they will not waste To warm our filthy hands! So damned are we that rats eat crumbs, while we chew at our fingers!? There is no god to break us bread, no water like wine? Let us pluck and suck the tears from our own eyes! Why hang our heads for shame? We were forced to be so animalistic,  While the bellies of the Jew have been bloated, As we march to our deaths! so shall we in return let us warm our hands By the ovens and fill our bellies!   #101         EXCUSE ME, MAY I MURDER YOU?   The virtue of emptiness Gathering thoughts, but they are meaningless When joy becomes invalid The passion of watching something dying Consumes the vast imagination I have tasted fear and fucked it! I know only anger, solitude, terror, horror Like the craft of a butcher and his knives I crave that fatal, flawless scream It is all I dream and breathe I love their eyes, their eyes belong to me! It is orgasmic, when their dilated teary eyes stare into mine   #102                 POEMS OF PAIN AND HATE ARE MY GIFTS TO CERTAIN GIRLS   You will be remembered in my poems forever and ever As carved in stone, and written in blood I have no paper in which to write my words of adornment So I desecrate the back of your flesh Then strip off and hang it on the wall I have no red ink to resemble blood So I use a razor to carve the words My poems have made you famous! My poems are abstract expressions Of the cursed yet blessed female body Through my lovelorn work of sculpted death You live again, more beautiful   #103                 THE WOLF HAS COME FOR ITS HARLOT LOVER   The wolf is out of its cage! And it sees two sheep in its way It shall show no mercy in its eyes Nor feel any remorse for its savage deed! Once wounded now healed, the wolf is trampling through the woods, all things in its path will be Slaughtered! There is nothing left to love, only animus For her! The fruits of my despise have manifested and falleth nigh! Now all that's left is her fate, and it shall be cruel! Why!? echoed a fainting scream Because you have angered the only thing that loved you!   #104       BRZEZINKA   I witnessed them bleeding and peeling Flesh splintered like the birch tree, smothered like shrubs Their eyes were weeping fumes like oil lanterns Cold skin piled below warm skin I witnessed them burning Their eyes were boiling white like eggs With screams of fire pouring like water from their mouths Smoke rose black into the white clouds, then fell like snow in the summer Dogs barking for those chard mangled bones Laughter and music in the distance A white angel danced with a grin Mengele Peisithanatos   #105                       HELEN OF TROY, TEMPTRESS OF WAR AND DEATH   Her eyes of green are not of emeralds, but of pale beauty Her blue eyes are not of swimming skies, but of drowning oceans Her lips make murderers of men, where arrows pierce both love and dream The beating heart of seductive kisses split like a worm filled apple Her naked flesh draws men like flies, into an empire built for a pyre War for woman’s love is a dying fate upon man’s pride I break her glass eyes of green emeralds like relic vases I break her glass eyes of blue skies like falling mirrors She is strewn about like shards of medusa’s victims I am not tempted by women, I am not tempted by the scent of a rose without thorns   #106         ALL WOMEN ARE WITCHES! DEVILISH! AND HARPIES!   They devour the soul of man with beauty They leave us empty of will They know not the promise of love But we love them blindly in the name of lust Beware of their love, Love them but leave them before their sins wither your heart! be warned of their scorn!   #107     SOMETIMES THE STORM MUST CALM WITHIN ONE’S MIND TO SEARCH THE SOUL   I confess, I have been full of morbidity about life But truly I do have a heart And do know such feelings as love So then let it be known, I am as soft as a sheep But heed this you shadows behind me! I am still a wolf beneath this gentle charm of guile   #108     THE ONE I LOVE IS DEAD IN MY HEART, AND I BURIED HER IN SPIT!   You left a whole in my heart, my brain coursing into fucking dementia! And all you can do is pretend we are friends!? I murder your lover with my hands until his eyes are closed! then I slice his throat to his spine and Carve a hole in his lungs and slash them and reach in and twist and pull out his heart! now none of us Have a heart to bare love! I loathe all who have loved and loss! Such a weak emotion is to us unworthy creatures! Only the warmth of the romantic blood is what I love, masturbating in my hands! Goodbye my love! He was not meant for you! nor was I! It was you who made him a victim to the jealousy of vengeful love   #109             SHE WAS DEAD WHEN I FOUND HER, I SWEAR!   Beneath the rays of the coal sun Water washes the blood away Empty graves will be filled one day I see myself as a lingering spider Above a web of flowing hair The flies around her pale beauty I will spare She lays amidst fallen leaves of autumn and brown Her scent ripples across the ground Just then the wind floats me away, before I can taste   #110     ERADICATE THE STENCH OF BIRTH   Blistered clouds were ripe With pregnant bellies ready to split and spill Then I was borne from a prick of the needle And a drop of blood I opened my eyes and cried A world so hoarse with perversity I tried to crawl back inside the sewn hole Now cold and alone curling in wetness I laid beside a decomposing cat And dreamt of a wonderful world   #111       DOMINATE THE OBSOLETE   Kneel to her in obedient affliction Kneel to her with broken hands Kneel to her and lick her feet Kneel to her as a dog does its master Kneel to her with lack of pride Kneel to her with whip to spine Kneel to her, a goddess weeping for love A girl full of hate for her life found in your fetish   #112     APHRODITE, WHAT HAVE I DONE!   These hands are cursed For beauty they cannot touch If they did such, red soft lips would crack and peel A smooth face would bruise instead of blush To stroke fine silk hair, it would fall in a clump at her feet I know nothing of love and nothing of its words I am thankful you have no arms to reach out for   #113             BOUND AND GAGGED LOOKS LOVELY ON YOU   How have you been doing in this world of sin? Playing with dolls or just their body parts? Always so silent are those sweet lips of yours! Why? full of secrets or full of flesh? That's just fine, silent is best Just look pretty and never confess   #114     LIKE WARM FLESH AND A KNIFE, A THOUGHT COMES TO LIFE   O-such words to make cruelty blush Though if not sleep I still dream all day Wide awake of war, death and decay And of course a naked woman dressed in blood Is a must for he whose will is lust and ashes of dust   #115     IN FIELDS OF CORPSES WE SHALL GATHER   Where life’s breath echoes Beneath a sky of fire Where darkness is lit From de fleshed white bones Worms and flies enter our mouths Like words from squirming tongues Resembling snakes with their heads cut off We are ghosts on a lost path Watching our own appendages rot and fall into the earth like seeds Were we born for breeding death?   #116                   TIRED EYES/A LAST GOODBYE   I am off to sleep, to dream of those whom weep With wet eyes shaped like cunts and unfurled lashes There is only love in dying words For they are the only thing true upon ones last desperate breath And I love to look away at that last moment   #117     I HAVE NO FRIENDS HERE! ONLY MY SHADOW AND MY REFLECTION (AND EVEN THOSE I DESPISE)   I curse and damn you all to hell! I am angry with such feeble people Always speaking words of war to the wind Yet when at the door of death You beg for mercy and peace! You shall receive none from me! Fuck your childish wails! Go now and die, slowly please! I spit in your wounds and laugh!   #118     MY BRAIN IS ON THE FLOOR AND FLOPPING LIKE A FISH OUT OF WATER   My thoughts I cannot describe When there is only emptiness inside You see, torment likes to play hide and seek Torturing me with games from a mind that has leapt from sanity But I find myself always interested In this cruel sense of mentality   #119             THE KNIFE SPEAKS TO ME   In my hand a knife becomes god It lets me slash, stab, cut, carve, mutilate and maim And all the while as they struggle and fight and beg and cry I get aroused with such desire, it is lost in words to explain The gun is for the weak, scared child who wants to know the power of how death can change their life Yet they fear to look into the victims tear filled eyes Which makes them nothing more than insects stuck in my teeth To feel the sticky, dripping blood drying under your finger nails And splattering on your flesh To kill slowly and enjoy the breath of dying Is an art lost to the imagination   #120   I WILL BRING YOU TOMORROW   Slain are you, who've followed death's footprints Into the hallowed canopy of unbeknownst It was I who nailed the coffins now overflowing It was I who dug the graves of the dead now overgrowing It was I who have sown the dead, so that you may mourn It was I who reaped their souls will So that they might find eternal bliss Beyond the reach in which you believers seek Now all you want is for them to live! to live again!? There is no return from paradise! No matter how canard it may be!   #121   A CROWN OF THORNS AND FALLEN PETALS   A crown of thorns and fallen petals This rose blooms only for you, my love It wilts and withers and pricks For all others I will always love you No matter the torment and woe You have brought to my hearts scarred desire   #122     LOVE ROTS THE HEART   Torment and torture of the mind Is all I know now And it was because of love Love will be my key into the door of dementia soon I cannot control it I try , it is without hope i sadly and slowly perish From this succubus I know Hannah is in hell and i wish her well   #123   HANNAH: PART FIVE   I love to watch her cry O-those pretty eyes Like wingless butterflies Like those stars in the night sky If only I knew what it felt like To watch her die in these bestial arms Perhaps I may if she decides to stay Will romantic words entice her? O-I want to feel my knife inside her Blood! That colorful and warm flow Like a river a child longs to splash in again and again   #124 LEGLESS DOGS CHASING THE SCENT OF PUSSY DOWN THE ALLEY My poems are like bones Thrown to toothless dogs Gumming their way into the marrow My poems are like wet cats bathed between the cunts of housewives Blunt and dull objects smashed like vases And elderly vertebras and hips These are my child like poems Bloody, broken, hungry, and molested And at night I sleep content basking in my piss and shit With my cock covered in spit and semen staining sheets I am happy in these obscene moments 125   IF ONLY MY PARENTS HAD GIVEN ME THE GIFT OF ABORTION Happiness is a regurgitated fetus from a cunt Of a whore mother and drunk father with flashbacks of Vietnam I only wish I were so lucky as to fall out And had been strangled by that umbilical cord Dangling from the uterus like a negro in the south 126   SLOWLY I DIE AS I LAY MYSELF TO SLEEP IN A WORLD OF RAINING FECES AND TEARS OF URINE   I eat my pills of xanax and ativan like vitamins Then drown them down with liquor Now I wait for my eyes to close And for the darkness to blanket me From cold fingers into the warmth of pink cunts and cloudy breasts Where the flowers smell fresh and the grass is moist Like red, red lips 127     THE SMELL OF ROTTED WOOD All have left me here in my vomit to be stared at Shadows faded from cracked street lights Mirrors shattered from fists Paint peeling from walls like a strip tease Spider webs abandoned in corners Lights slowly buzzing out, surrounded by desperate moths My bed and I stay together like a chain and lock Here I lay and listen to Chopin’s funeral march Closets full of my families dismembered body parts Piled accordingly by legs, arms, torsos and heads Buckets fill their organs in the garage The stench and flies don’t bother me as much now I can eat my dinner, breakfast and lunch just fine All their pictures I placed in a box in the attic All but one, a family portrait The way I want us to be remembered, smiling, happy I keep it on the night stand in my room And look at it as I turn out the light switch to the lamp 128   STABBING OUT THE EYES OF BIRDS Full of xanax and ativan Debating what to do with my shotgun Liquor drowns, yet sorrow floats My next try will be the rope Crackling the throat as I dangle In the cool breeze and sunshine on my face Empty thoughts ejaculate into fields of colorful flowers Those are butterflies passing by, not angels! 129                 THE HEAVENS VOMITED DOWN ITS ABSURD NOTION OF JOY ON A SUNDAY   Leaves writhe like brittle elderly skin Eyes blind, viewing the sun one last time Before they drool and drop to their knees As if they’ve seen Jesus Christ And I watched in laughter on the park bench While feeding the pigeons to the vultures I pity the faithful and their dreamt sky of rapture!   130     ODE TO THE SWEET SLOW DEATH OF SOUTHERN COMFORT   4 am! Drinking time now To the friends I have lost And to the ones I never gave the care to know The children in the window mock me at my stool Drunk! Bum! They yell obscenities and point and laugh With a belch I reply, yes, I am all these things And one day when life lets you bastards down you’ll be here sitting, drinking with me! now fuck off while you still have your youth, And I still have half a good liver!   131 A HOLE FROM A ROTTING CUNT WILL ALWAYS FIND A WILLING COCK TO SERVICE ITS DISEASE   Paranoid thoughts inside my cranium Like flies on a pile of dead lepers As a miracle baby is born from a gapping womb I smell a girl burning on the ground flopping around People walking over children’s bones Rushing to get home in time for supper Like ants at a picnic swarming like bees Sex and television Cigarette coughing out lungs Through yellow and charcoal teeth As they struggle to breathe This is the American dream As the de feathered eagle screams The dollar is a whore and a drug And we want, we need more for the cure Forget cancer and homosexual spread aids Our veins are thirsty, our lips are cracked Like sidewalks Give us pipes and knives to fight! This is a logical way to decide who gets a welfare check!   132   LOOKING THROUGH A WINDOW OF MIRRORS   For a slight moment, my solitude brings me a smile For a slight moment, like a cool rain Through cold wind Then the moment fades when the grey ascends   133   BORN BY THE KNIFE FROM A WHORISH WOMB   Like a clock and time I can’t turn back these childhood torments These tortures of my listless life This scowling smile is all I have To sustain my empty will of murderous memories I wish you all had grief like mine!   134 IN MY DREAMS THE GIRL NEVER GETS AWAY   Your heart pounds for me as you heavily breathe Run through the woods, falling, crawling, hide behind the trees Stir the leaves as I follow your bare foot prints To the smell of your hair and sweat Your flesh is bloody and scratched and your dress is ripped As I watch you from above in the branches like an owl I wonder of your final thoughts As your dirty tears soak your dirty face And as a cliché you cry out “please somebody help me!” Then with my knife I lunge down into your breast As you suddenly turn with arms raised and hands covering your face From a whisper to a scream in the starless night Yet another dream ends for me   135   MOTHER NEVER TOLD ME THESE SORT OF BEDTIME STORIES   I cry these tears out from blurred eyes To rid myself of life’s memories opened from the skull Leaking the intestine like brain tissue resembling obese worms I was once a child chained like a dog under the stairs outside Made to eat my own feces from the dirt To drink my urine from hands cupped and blistered I even saw a rabbit once hopping by and it even stopped to look at me My friend, my shadow, my only friend   136 THREE RACES EXIST, THE WOLF, THE SHEEP AND THE UNMENTIONED RAT   There are only two races in this world The wolf and the sheep Sure the wolves turn on one another out of strength and pride, it’s nature Then there is the arrogant sheep Which simply taunts its obliviousness as it gnaws away in fields of green dreams But to stupid (or) cowardly in knowing its Sheppard has just been ripped and slashed and strewn asunder And with their blood thirst drenched with lust The pack of beasts turn with a wretched growl As they look down from atop the hill Upon the quiet sheep slowly chewing and plumping up themselves For a feast of devilish kings And so these savages begin to leap and lunge Higher and higher then lower and lower With claws polished and mouths foaming Yet still the quiet sheep below wait for their Sheppard   137     A KING AND HIS PAPER CROWN, ROBE OF TOWEL AND PLASTIC SWORD   I like being outside until my intolerance for it reminds me But I imagine like a dream of mountains, birds and seas Pure and flesh warm and sky and cool wind But then as always I remember It is not the life meant for me to seize Solitude and chains of paranoia serve my longevity and creativity best from my throne I rock back and forth and mock the cackle of people passing my window   138 A LOVELY EVENING AT HOME   If I had a woman And things were not going so well And dinner was awful (as well as our conversation) I would simply strangle her! Lay her perfectly along the table strip her nude Then cut her from her cunt and carve my way Through flesh and bone being careful as to not damage an organ Until I reached her thorax Then I would pull her apart like a fresh shelled oyster And have myself a quiet and lovely full course meal While Chopin’s complete nocturnes played in the background   139   WHERE THE MAGGOTS EJACULATE   Rotting Breathless Dark and cold inside Is where they grow into flies Eyes dripping dust, where they are born Bones hollowed out, carved like marble statues My body belongs not to the dirt, nor god Heaven I’ll not dream of! My body is the last supper My blood has become a non-existent temple I feel life has wasted my time Listless, I swim in oceans of sand   140   JENNY DREAMS OF SOLITUDE   Eyes weeping like flickering stars Cold skin wrapped in dirt She rapes the dead leaves of autumn Beneath the peeling tree of rotting fruit A stream of tears to quench the worms -To fill the river She lays ravaged by wind, by sun, by night and rain Until the clouds drown her in eternal winter Frozen in beauty until the ashes of time   141   THE SKY IS FILLED WITH CLOUDS OF FLIES   Flames like rain on naked faces Hair flailing like spurting veins Singing birds choking in the smoke from our mouths Houses built from our feces To save money to buy whores and drugs and guns Why drive a car when we can spread germs on buses? Blood stains on the seats where panty less pussies leak Tongues licking like thirsty dogs Us me have our perverted tastes But then again so do the preachers in the name of god I’ve seen eyes dripping from eyes Catching them like rocks in a river of urine And bloated fish, I wish I could smell a woman’s cunt After she’s had an abortion, would it smell like rotten eggs? Or that fresh new car baby smell?   142 WAKE UP! YOU FUCKING MONKEY SLAVES!   While all the worlds maggots copulate In their rotting brains of social distortion I sit here as usual alone, drunk and writing In solitude of sorrows and angers and perversities It’ll be this way today, tonight and tomorrow The same miserable thing! My life is like a moth around a light bulb While the flies of the world buzz Around the car wrecked cunts and amputated cocks The filthy streets and whore stores for children And piss stained bars open like the gates of heaven Mean while the vomit stench in the air In the city makes us all feel pretty And look the same. Through mirrors At a circus fun house 24 hours a day, seven days a week Someone, somewhere is joining this parade, this charade! Another suicide Another homicide   143   (THE) GIRL IN A COMA   You look so poised, like a needle and its vein Like an animal circling its cage Like a virgin and her false chastity Like a saint beheaded Like a buzzard waiting for a prayer You’re still beautiful in your pale decay Let me be your curator, and describe the blue sky Well for you it would be like night Let me describe the grey clouds pouring rain Let me describe the green grass And the brown dirt beneath your skin Let me improvise the tears in their eyes As I bear witness to this funeral procession   144   TO ILSE WITH LOVE, KARL   I cut out a heart-shape for you From my own flesh And with a needle and thread You sewed it upon your evening dress And wore it close to your breast Let’s cover the tattooed lamp shades With a red silk scarf and light some candles Atop a few skulls as we lacerate our tongues with masochistic passion To the sound of a German shepherds aria Plucking a throat like a Jews harp Buckenwald is lovely this time of year   145   THE HOPELESS DESIRE OF REACHING HEAVEN   These days I am feeling listless As when the wind shuffles old dried leaves Waiting in a pile to be burned All over I hurt! Mostly mentally My mind is a collapsed maze of memories All these people, friends, enemies, strangers Are like flies, like rats around me, wanting Wanting my life, I feel like severing my limbs, my torso, my head To appease them all! As I get older what new could/would convince My jaded attitude to keep my heart willing to beat  For just a few Moments or even years longer? I have just lost interest in all around me, I suppose   146 AN ANGEL AND AN INSECT   o-graceful ballerina you’ve broken your ankle like the bird and its wing unable to move so swiftly now but you still writhe so elegantly in your agonizing dignity   147     GOD SAID I WAS HIS ANGEL OF MURDER   When I was born, god whispered into my ear Kill them, kill them all! And that light never faded from my soul And that darkness never faded from my heart And my eyes have always waited Calm and cold for that heavenly sign again   148   DO GHOSTS OF DEAD POETS STILL WRITE IN THE WIND?   Perhaps no one is as mentally unstable as I am As a poet, not Poe, not Bukowski even!? I spent my time in several asylums Given daily needles, pills, restraints and beatings Always trying to run like a dog with no legs No eyes to cry and no mouth to beg for help No, I have the crazy poets beat! These poets of dust and memory Though great they are/were I stand alone amongst all these educated poets Of past ghosts left haunting bookshelves I stand above shadows of graves and wind Scattering flower like rain raindrops In honor of who and what they mean to me These poets cure my sanity Even if for a moment of peaceful maddening laughter   149   YOUR EYES WEEP LIKE AN OLD WHORES CUNT!   My dreams have seeped into reality The shotgun burns my eyes Like the light of the sun From the many liquors my new favorite is wild turkey 101 Though not as seductive a taste as my southern comfort 100 proof I see nothingness in my life These eyes turn grey like an old man’s hair The wind smells of lingering ashes I am getting ready to kill myself Or someone who looks like me, I feel nothing heartfelt for neither Let them both die! Let the walls of fresh paint drip to the floor Let my mother (if she’s still alive) Cry and hold my useless corpse And call me a bastard and ask god why!? She knows why!   150 IT’S 3AM, I’M DRUNK AND THIS IS WHAT I’VE WRITTEN, SO BE SMITTEN!   Damn this whore they call solitude Yet she’s all I’ve come to know (with her cold oral hands) But I’ll be damned if I’ll ever let myself Come to know the kiss of sobriety! These xanax help, but better when drowned in golden sorrow When I die I suspect they’ll bring roses But will there be tears as well? And what of my father’s ashes? I await the empty light Like the stars await the night And the sky awaits rain to wash All these city streets of homeless fecal matter Into the abyss of the rats hole   151     HANNAH’S LAST SMILE   I fucked her eyes leaking semen Her toothless mouth full of vomit Oozing from the sides of her ripped lips Anal spit and blood lubed induced Her tits firm and pale cold Her hair scattered like wings of a bird Her fingers gripped mine Stiff and soft her cunt wet From my salivating tongue Like a dead fish it tasted But she was my true love So I gave her a gentle kiss goodbye I wish she never left me to my misery The only thing we will come to know in life in the end Is the cold grey slab, the steel scalpel And the coroner molesting us professionally   152   FEELINGS ABOUT MY 30TH BIRTHDAY   Well, my birthday was like a baby being cut out Of a cunt limb by limb Tiny head and broken neck, like missing pieces of a puzzle Thrown into the trash I woke up today and celebrated my wasted years With 19 xanax, 10 ativan and a bottle of southern comfort. Then at 4pm I finally passed out, then woke up at 8:30pm What birthday wish did I make? I wished I could crawl back up into my mother’s cunt and sew it shut! So this is pretty much how my 30th birthday went No friends visited, no party thrown, no phone calls So now I’m going to numb my sore kidneys And drown my liver in golden liquor And ulcer my stomach with handfuls of pills And write a few poems, until it’s time to pass out again And forget that I am still alive and miserable   153     SARAH   …and a beauty of a girl, with scratched and bleeding thighs From whips of thorns and decrepit branches Walks amongst a trail of grey sand And crackling leaves beneath her feet Just to feel the cold wind against her naked and lonely flesh Covered only by her hair Drawn like a curtain to hide her face Yet I see the gleam of her eyes behind And the night whispers as her footsteps echo away   154   ONE LAST SIP OF WINE   all of you have lives I have found out I do not I am back to liquor and pill abuse back to when death lingered above me I swim in emptiness I breathe these ashes of burnt poems loneliness, solitude shadows of friends and their faded smiles my slow death begins when I wake as well as when I sleep   155     MY FRIEND ELIZABETH AND HER FRIEND OF PROMISES   On the floor in her black bra and panties She just finished washing the needle with bleach And then as I watch it pinch into her vein and bruised flesh The blood is joined in matrimony, with the light of the heroin And in an instant the seduction of pseudo joy numbed the pain and became her pleasure I drank some whiskey and Nyquil as her eyes nodded off -I think we’ll be alright, at least for tonight   156     MICHELLE, LOVE ME FIRST! THEY ARE BUT VENEREAL AND VINDICTIVE HEARTS   I grow with envy, murderous envy! If it were legal I would murder or just perhaps maim All men you know, knew, loved and love Then I would take you on a two seated bike ride through the park Under the stars, and then if they dared to shine for you I would pluck them down and beat them with my fists until their bright lights Were dim, bleeding and weeping shards of glass!   157   A SCULPTURE OF MY TORMENTED WILL OF LOVE   I stab my eyes out And slit my throat for your sculpted beauty Then I break my hands and fingers Never to sculpt again! Then I bite and spit out my tongue So to never speak of whom sculpted this masterpiece when asked!   158   RICH OLD PRUNES SQUIRRELING MONEY AWAY LIKE IT WERE THE END OF DAYS   Fucking sheepish grazers of shit! Shadows of insect spit on the walls of flickering lights With hearts like Judas Iscariot And just as empty, ha! You, my friends!? Go enjoy life with your pathetic friends of pseudo smiles of vomit Glass eyes and brown broken teeth! Fill your pockets with your Jew diamonds All I need is my madness, my liquor and abuse of pills! You’ve shown nothing to me worthy of friendship! Go dig your graves you maggots And wait for the rain to drown your old rich lives! I am perfectly happy and miserable being poor!   159   INSIDE THE VELVET COCOON   The listless embrace of fields and trees Somber, slumbering Dreams of graves with breathless pale life Tears amongst rotting plastic flowers and sunshine All has become cold, blissful Frozen, alone in utter darkness Where shadows are left to grieve Purified within isolated walls As insects gather to feed, to breed   160   ANOTHER DRINK PLEASE, FOR THIS BASTARD OF WASHED UP POETS   I may now have more of a psychotic mind Than Charles Manson and a more disturbed writing sense than Charles Bukowski I may have even caught up with Bukowski In his famed drinking habit, but not yet his womanizing ways Or his time worn looks and sour voice But what I do have in common with him I can bet on, is that we’re both assholes Bitter, jaded and annoyed by everything I guess this is where I want to belong Amongst the drunkards, crazies and misunderstood poets. And on the other hand in one way that I am like Charles Manson Is imprisoned in my own mind, chained by paranoia and laughter   161                             SUSHI   Fishes swim in streams of boiling water With fillets of screaming fish heads Their flesh melts like butter off their bones Sliding down the slimy snail tongue Into mouths grinding like miniature sawmills Then sliding down abysmal throats Sucking out the eyes that drip like putrid honey Then chewing on their guts like warm sausage Full of shit and insects bursting With a unique flavor as your stomach heaves The flies buzz, soaking up the wasabi vomit   162   A POEM ABOUT SOLITUDE , LIQUOR, DRUGS AND A STRIPPER TURNED PROSTITUTE   And so a rain drenched man walks in… Who are you, and what can I getcha? The bartender groaned Never seen ya in here before Who me? I replied with a sniffle I’m just another unheard of poet A prophet like Manson, a romantic like bukowski And some say a fucking psycho like jack the ripper (with a laugh) that’s who I am, now shut the fuck up And give me a glass and keep it flowing! I only have 30 minutes till closing time   163   AN OLD STAINED MIRROR REFLECTS MY YOUTH   Again, I’ve become drunk From the rotten apple And have swallowed the worm of madness Now I laugh at the shadow upon my wall The light burning a hole in my eyes Disgusted with this image of youth I’m glad to have gone blind before old age   164   ALEXIS DROWNED IN A CROWN OF WHITE LIGHT   A lonely lotus floats down a crystal stream Of serene watery sounds glistening in the sun Swirling around and over the rocks and through the ripples (Drunk again) a spiritual awakening I had Golden enlightenment shined As I pissed in the moonlit stream To clear my kidneys The lotus sank then sprang up! Its petals broke apart From blue to yellow stained hearts They went their separate ways seeking Buddha   165                           THEY CAME FOR THE BUKKAKE FESTIVAL   Do I have an ego? NO! Only truth and exaggeration I have penned my words on paper for history to read, to revel I have drowned statues of gods into the seas of sand and salt of time I have excavated tombs of poets and eclipsed their names I piss out the spirit of bukowski Every time I bury my bladder in liquor What poet challenges me now!? A ghost? A poet of rueful rhyme? Who left is there to save these pile of poetic lepers From my disturbed fanatic genius!?   166   IT COSTS MORE TO DIE THAN TO LIVE OR BE MARRIED   Headless angels do not weep for those rotting beneath Armless angels do not carry souls embraced in bright wings Such angels sullenly collect mold upon forgotten names Of graves like slugs shrinking in salty semen Cremation! Is the only way I say Let them keep their expensive lonely coffins Just burn me with my money and those I love   167 IN MY LONELINESS, I AM BETTER THAN YOU ALL   No one seems to be a true friend these days Many have come and gone like wind and leaves Why? Because you have a family, children, work, a husband, a wife, a dog, a cat, a parrot, a gold fish? -a social life of old and new friends gathering like the smoke of a cigarette filled room Looking like aimless fucking flesh better used for wall paper! I never needed friends to talk to me, I have enough in my kicked in head If you tire of me so easily, simply close your eyes and wish yourself away And go live your façade of a life As I wait for my eagerly anticipated death Your pity is buried in my spit and semen Your world is out there, in the land of television and shopping malls My world is in here, even unbeknownst to me in solitude against my will   168   A THROWN AWAY LOVE POEM   I remember this photo my love, as I wipe the dust from its frame I stare at it for a few moments, smiling and drunk with sorrow How I wish you were still here   169   A LEGACY OF BRUTALITY   When I die, they’ll say He left 13 murdered people behind 1 was his mother for allowing him to be born The second was his step-father For making him the man he was to become And the other 11 were just friends he got tired of   170 FEED MY BONES TO THE DOGS AND MY FLESH TO THE PIGS   Who shall mourn the dying, the dead? Not one of us here!? We’ve become shadows Ashes of memories Lost in the stale wind Look down upon your pathetic selves From the eyes of dim flickering stars And know! You are but time passing, aimlessly!   171   PIERCING DAGGERS INTO MY PRUNE HEART   Go bask in your sheepish joy you pedophiles As I swim in my cesspool of liquor While talking to the shadows of candle lit heads You my friends are corpses like insects Mouths of flies with laughter dripping maggots and worms My friends are the best, the greatest! They know how to stab and slash me in the back They know how to lick the streams of my bloody wounds You fucking animals! Feast and celebrate you leeches, you swine! Mock me as you did Christ! I simply smile with a face like Caligula   172   WINGS OF DESIRE   O – these limbless and headless statues Sculpted in mold and rain and whipped with cracks Along the cemetery gates to gather nightly The limbo of boneless ghosts As they wander in search of tombstones Lost amongst the arcane Of what they once were so long ago Moaning as if we can or care to see them   173 A MODERN ROMANCE STORY   I drew her portrait As she lay like an angel Fallen and covered in leaves I used her tears to paint the color of her eyes I used her blood to paint the color of her hair and lips I wanted to capture her cold pale and timeless beauty …one morning I woke, dressed and I combed my hair And I waltzed to her house through the cool sunshine With a knock at the door and a smile, she smiled back and said good morning And as I handed her a dozen fresh roses I drew my .38 one bullet ripped into her liver The other bullet dug into her left eye and through her socket exiting her skull And with that last bullet and her last gasp an uttered kiss goodbye Take our bodies away, take our bodies to the morgue! Then side by side to the nearest grave! (then a final gun shot rang out)   174   THE BALLAD OF SUICIDE PT. 1   Passion has bored me for some time now And I find a fuller truth in melancholy And I have realized in my life That I am the knife and victim alike I desperately seek an end to this misery But yet I scar myself in blood stained numb humor To show the world I am still alive And not just some housewife to lay your sweaty dirty cock inside! My body is not a garden to drop your seed where ever pleased! And then in that moment of humiliation as she wiped his semen from her breasts and face She saw the image of Jesus Christ stained in the towel   175               DOWN A HIGHWAY OF GRAVES   Like memories in a photograph Faded, torn and smudged from fingers The sun is like a whore, it’ll make sweat and thirst for the words of the worn bible before the flies gather upon your tongue for songs of hymns and the moon is lit like a lover, it’ll make you slumber and hunger for the words of a song before the maggots blossom in your hearts of joyful desire and your eyes will witness the pouting lips and sunken cheeks of Jesus Christ as you sip the last drop of mother’s milk mocking and sucking her nipple dry   176   HERE’S TO THE KNIFE CALLED LIFE ACROSS OUR THROATS   Sorrow and pain, my nemesis! My existence! This soil is hollowed by blind witnesses to medusa Driven by nails like iron bars of a prison Where the soul drifts like mist swimming in a vault And then comes the mournful pity of reverence And I never romanticized the tears Of bliss nor despair of any flower withering slowly away I am just a rotting morsel and a vessel for the worms below slithering like snakes And I lay where the angels deny me a view of the golden lit dawn Instead Watching below In the cursed waters Salmacis seducing and wrapping herself as one with hermaphrodites   177                           HANNAH WITH TEARS LIKE CRYSTAL METH   She is a rib, stolen from man Kissing the night, in love with the stars As if they were her eyes, and the pale of the moon as if it were her smile Floating in the sky, plucking wings from birds with a smile Her beauty desired only by flies Through her hair the flowing wind freezes She lays in the dirt wrapped in vines and leaves and bitter flowers No one knows when she’ll wake again or if she ever will The insects wait and the spider threads its web   178                                                             I FEAR WHEN I DIE THEY WILL REMOVE MY SKULL CAP AND FRY MY BRAIN WITH SOME EGGS   These days blood worn thin It gets colder and colder Not even my flesh glowing Next to the fire finds warmth My friends have become memories Some good, others bad Many not worth remembering at all Aged 30, I am now as I write this Writing as though I were 75 years old And thinking as if I were 89 Bones disconnecting like a puzzle Eyes tired from anxiety and paranoia The world changes so fast like a person’s mood These thoughts of dying now, those dead, the asylums and ghetto’s I wandered through I walk around in my apartment alone and bored Drinking liquor, morning, day and night And then again and again and so the years pass so fast When you do not think about time Thoughts of suicide cross my mind daily I miss my grandmother, my father I feel like I belong with them Ashes and dirt And no longer in this world of unobtainable dreams I have just never been able to escape This lurking fragmenting torment of dementia Growing slowly in my mind Creating my words, my movements, and soon my non-existence   179                         A WINTER OF INCEST AND SLAUGHTERED SWINE’S   Knives stabbing filthy pigs Throats sliced, spurting curtains of Draining blood Squeals of them remind me of babies Breast feeding, teething Throwing cats into ovens like baking pies The air is frozen outside Fucking my sister Keeping warm Cumming on her stomach To keep warm, but sticky Slipping it back in deep Us just laying there Warm bodies bonded by sweat and semen and a wet vagina Then the dog barks and wakes up those in the house We cover up and pretend to be dead asleep   180 I WANT TO DIE LIKE A BURNING BUTTERFLY   My mind, body and spirit Seem to be flickering out these days Like the stars Exhausted From breathing, from talking From walking to go cook or piss or shower or brush my teeth Even exhausted when going to sleep And of course waking up is even worse I’m slowly killing myself with assorted liquors And handfuls of pills to feel less and lesser (who wants to feel so alive these days now?) But it is a cycle that just continues, like a wheel of torture I wish I could be left to die as I intend But the torment of my longing for demise teases me But when my time finally comes I’m sure it will please others around me I assure you!   181       WHEN MIXED THE COLORS OF FIRE AND WATER CREATE PURPLE BLOOD   Eyes like the blue sky, shinning like diamonds! Shimmering while eyes wide like clouds Eye lashes long and curved like hips Covered by night, by raven wings in flight Kisses red and dripping like wine Skin warm when licked and bit Breasts soft and firm when held And I watch as she dances Naked between dark green silk curtains And then a cool breeze spins her around and around Into my arms And I become aroused, snake like Slithering inside her dark moaning orifice With velvet scratches against my back and thighs she climbs This dream…this never lasting dream! -the loathing of waking up!   182   FLOATING AMONGST THE CLOUDS OF COFFINS   Dreams… Beams of light through the eye lid Into the dark cornea of sleep and or coma The whispers of those watching you die The whimpering of those that have watched you die But you do not realize The dream has frozen in its place -have you ever seen a stillborn child? With its eyes closed like a pre-teen virgin vagina   183                   A ROOM FIT FOR A KING WITHOUT HIS CROWN   Serial killer themes throughout the evening BEHOLD! the neon tragic cross for lost souls! Roach motels Rats Bloodstained sheets Burnt out light bulbs Screams Gunshots Dirty bathrooms Mildewed, molded showers, leaking facets Broken mirrors and cocaine Where can I find this kind of place? I want to stay the night with a dirty stripper or a dirtier whore And drink and fuck and do drugs until dawn Or just until I cum!   184   THE ART OF CURIOUSLY DYING AND OR LIVING   We swim in thoughts of curiosity With every moment we breath With every movement we perceive Some of us find the surface And break through the glass to find a new beginning at life And it seems most give up and drown, sinking to the bottom Into graves of wasted effort and sand Until their bones become kingdoms For the ghosts who have yet to come   185   DROWNING IN A POOL OF BLOOD WHERE THE HEART ONCE WAS   Michelle, I wish long ago when we met I had everything to offer you To know that feeling of love and flesh To belong to it eternal But we’ve grown old so fast You move along in life like the rabbit And I move along in life like the snail We find new paths in life long and hard ones, some so obvious But some buried memories burden one or the other with the path They decided to look away from   186   WITH SARCASM I SAY, MAY THE SUN GRACE US ONCE AGAIN (WITH ITS STEALING OF THE MOON)   When you wake my lovely Angela and brushing your hair away with your hand from your protesting eye lids I hope the sun shines better and bluer on you than I, as it always seems to blind me with spite so then enjoy such a day before it becomes sweaty and bitter then when nights curtain falls alas admire the moon, the stars and its whispering wind before the yoke of dawn breaks once more   187   MARINELLA   She brings to me the scent of the green sea Carried by the wind of foaming waves The sun glistening upon her olive skin Eyes brown like the sea shore And a smile as white as those clouds Above the infinite blue sky Her curved body dancing to the sunset Only to fade from my image As she gets closer within my grasp The spiteful night I drink to until the dawn To smell the sea again To feel the cool waves flashing against And once again the glistening olive skin Of marinella dancing like the wind   188     KOSHER   When they begin to hatch Slithering from the wounded slimy womb gathering a poisonous stench in the air Feeding on rats tearing their fur off with blood soaked hands Bones sucked dry and eyes sucked from their sockets These things carry a plague, they carry a famine Death waits In the shadows for the dying to decay What are these things? Creatures to soon dominate us Yet we are mostly unaware of the rabid greedy mouths  As they build their gruesome empire Zion The jew, the pretending pacifist beast laying like a serpent coiled We are the cattle they have spoken of! And they celebrate as they bake pure baptized Christian babies blood in bread And dipped in wine as they foam at the mouth with a laughing shriek The brainwashed non jews are too late to be saved now The ovens are being lit again!   189 I STAB AT ALL OF YOU!   All of you flies Laying maggots in my pitiful corpse Yet still I live, I breathe! Though slowly I drown in grief of loneliness and liquor Leave me! Like you have before You stench of human bliss Ignorant lepers in rat feces and vomit Friends of my demented prism of thought Flee from me! You! Burning and dead trees Raped leaves in my hands I crumble and scatter you all In the urine stained dirt Laughing madly Weeping madly Laughing madly…   190     THE SHEEP, THE PIG, THE COW, THE CHICKEN, SCULPTED BY HUMAN MACHINES FOR INSECT CONSUMPTION   Die! Die! I hate your eyes Stab them and dig them out! By whatever method to please me! I hate your eyes All of those piercing pupils Your rotting mouths foaming with poisoned tongues Friends of apathy, dressed in empathy Friends of stained mirrors As I break you all Fall into your fucking coffins and be mourned! As I drink myself to death The meat hook is a sexual device Anally, vaginally, or orally   191   HAPPY DAYS   I am amongst worms, rats, insects –YOU! My friends, just shadows lingering as I drink myself into madness -Drinking until you all just hopefully fucking disappear I feel this dementia growing within the walls of my skull (Soft like guts) As I embrace this lunacy I am filled with fond memories of my asylum years With laughter and psychotic tears I peer off into the distance YES! That’s me, the lingering shadow Beneath my former self, beneath my so called friends Reduced to a mere shell of what once was flesh, blood and bone Now dust, like ashes of jews Who knows where the soul floats off to? When our eyes stumble into that fictionalized light Perhaps our souls just stare at our bodies being dissected And an eternity walking around our headstones   192   WE DIE ALONE, THE LONELY END WITH COLD FADED MEMORIES   I dreamt and never woke The weeping cold wind flew Through my open window The curtain twirling like a young ballerina A silhouette dancing ‘neath moonlight and stars Her eyes lit like fire reflecting the scorched mirror I saw myself one last time One last breath slowly emptied Her kiss was soft and warm Like death, like Lyssa   193                 GRAVES OF EMPTY MEMORIES   A room full of school students Shot dead and wounded at random Crawling bodies maimed holding on to fading life Blood splatter and brain matter on the floor and walls Why? Perhaps to show how fractured our existence, our innocence truly is? None of us are missed in the end, but for a moment Deep holes of bones where flowers grow And the caretaker may mourn us to pass the time   194   LOVE AND BLIGHT   All us men are beasts, even the obliviously grazing sheep As us wolves upon them feast I care not for the joy of love, the pleasure of sex any longer Perhaps I should blame television and money (?) I have done too much damage to my body Through liquor and pill abuse And I find peace only in listening to music, pretending to read books, And watching old foreign films, writing poems from my skull of rot and dementia which no one seems to understand nor cares to read vulgar!  they whisper about me though I still think of sex as if it had died my cock limp and of no use most of the time I feel asexual I guess, numb to sexual emotion Bored and diseased, love is my hand murdering my cock   195                     WE ALL HAVE TO SUCCUMB TO THE REAPERS SCYTHE   The devil syncs his watch The woman’s red moon in full bloom Birthing a dead black sun The harvest of hunger has become a famine As plague whips our backs We’ve become like foaming dogs The pale and sickly green rider waits for war We bathe and drink in and from rivers of blood And everybody prays For the mercy of god in Christ with money But our money was burnt for warmth and cannibalism   196   OCEANOGRAPHY   Like waves of infinite sea sweeping Against the shore, as slowly does time itself Drift away piece by piece Bones like buried sea shells Stranded jelly fish washed up on the shore unable to move, Waiting for the tide, if ever it comes Piss green and or blue sea, which color will it be today? The ripped and bleeding seals swimming and splashing From sharks in red foaming ocean waves Will they make it to the rocks of sanctuary before it gives up? Before those jaws open wider, eyes black, rolling back Mouth snarling as gums curl inward Great teeth, greater than the gods! The daily hunt for a small morsel of food -such is life   197                 HANNAH : PART ZERO   Yes, I love you, always! Do these wounds upon wounds across my heart Not prove this? Those beautiful eyes like lit candles, seducing Crimson smile with absinthe laughter Hair like waves of violet moonlight A face of murderous beauty A body of pure lust Chaining us by hooks But this word “love” Should be stale and jaded to your ears You have heard it all too often And deserve it so! Lovely, beautiful, they whisper with masturbating eyes and mouths Should I be jealous, and carve their rabid tongues out?   198   I DRINK BECAUSE YOU ARE MY SORROW, SO DROWN ALREADY!   My torment and semi-dementia and abuse of Liquor and pills are the key to the door of my broken mind When I write poems, they give me disturbed pleasure and peace I’ll be damned if I let some woman give me an ultimatum, no matter how sweet she smells Nor how sensual she flutters her eye lashes at me! But this one I love could use some fucking charm! Beauty isn’t everything, even a rain drop dripping from a leaf starts out soft, green and lively Until  the rain has gone and autumn rakes the now cracked brown leaves from the tree branches away. I love her and I loathe her, woe is me to be in her web.   199                 HANNAH : PART SIX   Be jealous, scratch your insecurities across my eyes! Be dramatically angry at how I abuse my piece of shit life Wanting my friendship, not my love, because you can’t break my vulgar habits! Still I have a great love for you Even though you frustrate me to the point of suicide and or homicide There is no end to your confusing attitude toward me! The men you meet in life I will always carve their eyes out with my ominous thoughts, they are unworthy of you yes, I am too, but I love you ravenously,  like blood pouring from open veins!   200   WEAVING DEAD THOUGHTS PART:ONE   My vices are liquor and pills daily They keep my life locked up and numb From the human insects of the outside world My personal demons always seem to escape My mind asylum, yet they always feel the need to return To my mind of moistness and darkness, This labyrinth brain of worms and dirt of mine My aura of rotten bliss must make them feel secure   201                                 THE RAZOR ACROSS THE PUPIL OF INFANTICIDE   Mockery of my cock Lament when it dies I will bury it in a six foot deep cunt! A woman breast fed her infant I said to her “if you sit there long enough under the sun, your milk will go sour” Then I watched an old man build a coffin fit for an infant, through the stained glass window -a silent day to mourn, I smirked Except for the hammer and nails pounding away at the cradle of death I was bored so I went home, fucked some whore and got drunk Then ate cold Chinese food and slept   202   A CAMBODIAN POEM   Mounds of skulls Where? There! I wonder where their bodies are (?) -Pol Pot’s  souvenir’s   203                                   HANNAH, MY SWEET MISTRESS OF ANGUISH   All my friends keep warning me about her To stay away and how she keeps making me more pitiful I’m no fool! I know she’s bad for me But that’s part of myself abusive nature It can’t be helped it’s like a burnt stain, a deep red scar I know the difference between a snake and a mouse And I can defang her just as quick as she can strike At my heart strings, or tempt me with her eyes of vice Women have no hold over me! I just pretend as if they do Our love Is like a game of chess It requires a great deal of patience, strategy And I am a man who is as one with his shadow as one can be And can wait just as long as my shadow So let her play her mind games (let her play with her knives) They are puzzles I have already solved She in her cunning charm has lost without even knowing so You my dear, cannot seduce my drunk limp cock!   204   MY DYING LOVE, AS DEAD AS ALL I’VE LOVED BEFORE   The stroke of her hair Silk Pale skin Like milk Eyes baby blue Full like clouds of rain Laying in greenest grass Wet florescent curves Of her body dripping red honey Lips purple Cold I hold her close My touch Death What more could love be than this?   205 VULTURES VULGARLY PICKING AT THE EYES OF LOVE   Love is a dead word A naïve feeling, cold and rotting With a heart full of maggots And crawling with insects The origin of love is born from Lyssa and maniae Nyx, goddess of castrated darkness Invite me into your lightless dreams   206 TELEVISION MIND CONTROL INSOMNIA   Black death flowing in my veins, I can feel it Burning my organs, Eating away at my heart and laying tumors and cancerous virus’ in my brain forcing my thoughts to become erratic and epileptic static skies turning our eyes into foaming noise from our drooling mouths covered by insects choking  us, building nests inside zion! it will awake, consume and create the new jew from the dust of the non-jew zion rises like a phallus, lustful with greed Some of us have hidden in the womb of the slimy creature We eat the eyes of its belly Zion feels nothing Worms and flies are the watchers to the gate of the blue star It feeds on the embryos of dead children We will set fire to David! And smash the flies and trample the worms Zion will crumble in ruins of a castrated phallus!   207                 HANNAH: PART SEVEN   So, and where are you? In the sky with the paper birds And pinned fluttering butterflies With your pretend wings of flesh and bone carved from past lovers? or on the ground with the maggots playing with corpses? Perhaps rolling around in fresh grave dirt with the worms and bugs? My love, my lovely loveless love, I have loved and abhorred  you But always loved you with endless pathetic obsessive child-like innocence Yet you burn me like dead leaves and smile with red dripping lips Hannah (sigh) Hannah, can’t understand what’s inside my throbbing mind She can’t, won’t leave me to my convictions of a liquor and pill abusing death! So, you’re the knife across my throat and in my heart! I KNEW IT!  I recognized your scent, your nail scratching touch! Your bites of sadistic lust! Yet why won’t this love I have for you grow dim and die already! For you,  no matter how many times I kill it! This tormented, lovely feeling o-how it tortures me with your sweet laughter as you slowly peel away my skin and how you now love this pyre of whom once was I, now in these ashes for your kisses to blow away   208       I SEE LIFE AS A SLEDGE HAMMER TO THE SKULL   Friends of mine, curved like snake spines Family, relatives not even beside my death bed Holding my hand nor weeping Not even at my funeral pretending to mourn Cheap plastic flower covered casket, no fresh cut flower scent for me If only I could have been that child In her whore womb, pulled out and cut up And thrown away like scraps Then all this life I’ve lived, would have been a dream With streams of semen dying, suffocating in a used condom   209   AN INTRODUCTION TO MY FUCKING POEMS   These poems of mine come from the labyrinth of my mind where no one can enter and attempt to understand.  doctors cannot dissect these tormented, anguished, angry, perverse, demented, betrayed friendships and murderous thoughts of mine! These thoughts of my scarred, wound upon wounded brain and heart  are sewn shut from the light, from bliss and are bound to the solitary darkness of my pitiful, empty and aimless existence my listless will to live and to love has been corrupted by life and people.  so in my mind asylum, in my prison of four walls I write and I write Day And night Until all my torturing memories and grief are drained and then I sleep, until these  thoughts of madness return so then again, I write, words of feelings only I can bleed out   210   A VAGINA IS SACRED TO A YOUNG BOY   My flesh as stiff as a knife, stagnant and longing As I never had a chance at joy, the feel of a warm wet cunt wrapped around my hard cock A piece of joy like lips of her mouth around my cock dripping with saliva, her drowning tongue! her wide eyes looking upward and lashes curled and flashing,  her tongue dances like a gypsy, it moves like the serpent Warm love, like the blooming of a rose, or the spreading wings of a butterfly Eternal flames for a moment of vaginal bliss any man would give I have killed my brother just to fuck his wife!   211 THESIS ON THE APATHETIC PSYCHE   Wound upon wound I stare into the opening flesh And smile at your pain Why? Because I do not feel your pain Only mine do I feel And it has become numb and trivial Salt soaks up the blood I think about breathing, faces smothered in dirt like flowers Walking on graves I cannot see Dreaming of being in a grave Both must be like drowning Only one is more comforting   212 THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH A LITTLE FASCISM my mind is a maze of mimic manic mocking chaos deteriorating my cohesive thoughts one brain cell at a time fascism should be the norm, the womb from which all children are born eyes ready for war, hands ready to kill to keep things sanitized from infestation before the wounds of people turn into infection! -nothing wrong with our mind and body being controlled , put together like a machine this is how the gods were formed, from the molding clay of our desperation wings of light were pulled from birds to sculpt heaven heads of wolves under cloak of darkness severed to sculpt hell blood, like milk spills -don't cry over it! 213               WOE IS ME, WITH MY BIRTHDAY BLUES dirty clothes piled in the corner, on the floor old food stinking up the house garbage filled to the brim rats in the ceiling keep me awake all night, chewing on wires in the walls always drunk it seems and on pills more and more like i have a death wish always alone and depressed never neatly dressed rarely eat anymore, feeling weak to weak, to bored to fuck a whore much less find a girl friend to much money to spend on both anyway too lazy to wash my hair and bathe and brush my teeth, months even a year goes by before i decide to clean myself up, and the house too then i wonder why all the effort? no one is coming over, i have no friends, my family is distant from me, so why bother? but sometimes i bother and after this long effort i feel slightly better till i start drinking and taking pills again. ah it's april 15th 2010, my birth day, aged 31 with nothing accomplished yet, if ever i only got one phone call that day from an old friend, angela we talked 2 and a half hours i felt like i was a prisoner in touch with the outside world after so long! but about my birthday i feel old inside, broken and pitiful not even my family called me but my sister and that call was short lived. my life has gone nowhere but in a circle i've spent years inside without leaving the apartment, paranoid, psychotic intentions keep me inside myself i guess the outside stinks worse than in this stale, musty apartment any way and the people are more filthy inside and out than my roach infested apartment i just look out the window and watch the people walk around, walking aimlessly, killing time i'll linger ghostly in my pity and solitary ways let the outside world abuse and drug itself with disease, germs and abortions while i sit here talking to myself, to my shadow on the wall, on the floor i talk to myself a lot, must be madness forming on my brain like mold and mildew -last call for alcohol! not for me!, i don't fucking think so! 214       THE DRIVEN MADNESS OF A POET I have been writing, writing, writing poems Endlessly it seems Without taking a moment to breathe -poems more demented than Poe Sometimes more talkative like Bukowski My poems have become fucking bi-polar I am always full of gloom or doom Sometimes both simultaneously -poems vulgarly murderous like Charles Manson’s brain I write because I guess my hands and mind are always idle And solitary, I can’t escape my damn thoughts, but the drinking and pills help   215     THESE SCARS OF MINE SHINE LIKE STARS   Murmuring shadows at my feet Before the sunshine flees Cold concrete cracked and stained as night illuminates Swimming eyes drunk on wine Autumn trees whistle as the wind aborts the last leaf Naked and crooked trees grieving, the leaf drifts away And these bones shiver, stumbling drunk down the street Following this leaf with curiosity Alone and lonely as I, beneath the silent sky My mind was wandering like a child playing Unaware that this leaf once lively is now dead   216 ANOTHER STITCH IN MY WOUND We never have/get a chance to stop and grieve For the loss of a loved one Those I’ve lost so long ago, still I grieve Perhaps this is why I don’t care for sex, close friends family and relatives The grieving process consumes us all until we die Some/most just bury it inside, but grief is always there rotting away In our memory, in a photo, in a dream Death has its way to help us grieve forever Death is aroused by our grieving, the frail human life…   217     HANNAH : PART EIGHT   To her, the one I loved, the cock devouring cunt Death, and its stench caresses her body She sleeps now in webs of semen and dirt, my lovely Hannah Pretty and pale in her leather and bells Encased around a wall of vines And I am happy for her, her delicate decay No more jealous accusations to hear She is now the worms affair! I’ll move on from here, these sour memories! And drink myself to death thinking about something else I have now found piece and (miserable) peace of mind From her selfish heart when it once beat red and sweet Now black and dead it reeks Goodbye, goodbye forever from my scarred mind I leave your cold beauty behind for the wretched to find Finally! I have wished you away, and am free of your mental chains!   218 I PACE BETWEEN TWO PATHS, YET THEY ARE ONE   Anger and depression, I feel both so strongly Which path shall I choose? I ponder this with such anger and depression A long face in the mirror like melting glass Dark circled eyes like dimming candle light In my life I have no choice The paths of anger and depression merge together And I seem content somehow, as if I were born into it Knowing my life would be so absurd and tragically comical   219   THE WATCH MAKER   When the clock is broken Does time stop? And if I refuse to fix time Do we remain idle without ageing without fear of death’s presence ah, I wish, how I wish if I thought this life of mine were a gift but besides the story of my lamenting heart elsewhere a clock ticks away ageing us fragile and grey time declines human movement and then into the presence of death we must venture and fade into mystery   220   THE ROTTEN APPLE SYNDROME   We are but worms Squirming in the womb of Gaia Bathing in the foul dirt she secretes In her urine we are quenched In her feces we are nourished From our fathers castrated penis drips his seed As us blind and limbless orphans Infest our mother’s orifices Manifesting like cancer Infecting with no moral remorse Masturbating, incestuously devouring Until our void becomes whole   221   CAPUT MORTUM   Skulls of the dead Adorned with roses and thorns Malis fortuna Tears fill these sinful eyes For those of us once born begotten Surely are not yet forgotten As we leave this rotten and wonderful mortal world Behind us singing with breath’s of sorrow Such somber figures we have become As we enter perdition   222 AUTOPSY KITCHEN   We’re all weak and pathetic Maggot filled and defiled human corpses Waiting for the dirt and darkness to sing us to sleep Like children pissing in their bed Praying to an already crucified and dead Christ Hanging up on a wooden cross nailed and bloody Like a Christmas angel The monster under your bed is nothing but rats beneath the floorboard The monster in your closet is just your cat scratching to get out Life steals our moments away with every breath Dying as we slumber Then solitary death And then the glamorous decay Of us aimless human shit stains Born into an aimless piss stained world Our memories are dust raping the wind In the end there is only cold and void   223   A DEAD AND BURIED PHOTOGRAPH   River of woe, cold and lingering I drank from your radiant bitterness Now covering my face inside my palms I writhe with grief from your taste I’ve dreamt of joy once But like everything the light must dim These memories are like vines and fruit  And wither away like ghosts As all innocence and beauty does And I am left alone, burdened in chains   224 WEAVING DEAD THOUGHTS: PART TWO   I am no one, irrelevant, a dead bird covered in ants Born from lust and shame And I will die the same, lustful and shamed Beneath a wall of wood and worms I shatter the image in the mirror Wounds of flowing existence Now this flesh cannot be sewn no, not this time In blissful dementia I have found hope Drowned in cracks of light And mutilated in darkness The sight from my eye’s blur As rigor mortis occurs And the heart becomes a prune   225   DISSECTING AND WEIGHING THE LUNGS OF MADNESS   Her blue eyes always gleam Like fangs of snakes screaming Breasts of a poisonous apple plucked Biting into the desire of death Lips like melted candles Dead seeds fall with the syphilis gene Her fingers tangled in her hair like wrists and rope And the wet odor of lust leads me Into another season of grief and pleasure And always I am there dreaming Drowning in a womb of drunk breath And rotting liver Always waking up and walking down that same Cold hall of the asylum where I was born and raised And she is there at the end Just staring with my daily pills Waiting in her motherly hand To make me feel all better again   226 SANTA SANGRE   My soul drowns in scars As I walk this solitary field Momentarily losing my breath I remember her eyes I remember how she slept Yet she wept for me that night And then her scent was gone There is just this void left Where life becomes a whisper An echo of rotting silence   227   CHAOS 9 (TAKUYA TSUTSUI)   The sound of chains whip against eternity I believe in a kingdom of bones and broken souls Where rivers of blood boil and flow Where skies are burnt with fire Where winds are cold stabbing knives Where we gnaw at our own flesh For we are an endless dismal moan   228 THE FALSE CONCEPT OF CREATION The birth of a tragic comedy A paradise slowly rotting Desolate being No god above but we here now No satan below but we here now No peace in heaven above No pain in hell beneath Only what is here between now Life And what exists between Death Then non 229   THE PRAYER POSITION   Wretched world filled with A festering putrid human race Born from diseased seeds into diseased wombs From that dark silent warmth Into that cold naked light Cries of life no longer dreaming of abortion Into an existence of slavery The whip, the chains Our mother and our father Coffins and cages keep us like blankets Us pigs fattening for the butchers cleaver How pitiful we must seem To the arrogant cosmos   230   THE JUDAS ISCARIOT CONSPIRACY A tree A rope The truth silenced from the mouth The other tortured, nailed and pierced One a suicide The other a murder If you believe such documents of a god Written by men Then repel your sins Worship the words Obey those words Enslave yourself to what has not yet been proven It is fear that teaches us faith   231   THE ETERNITY MYTH   Sand will become mud As flesh becomes bone Forests will burn and wither The earth shifts like the ocean tide We cannot move backwards in time Nor can we move forward light years We can only remain dormant and move In the here and now This heaven of opaque dreams This hell of crimson nightmares Is in the here and now The soul does not descend nor ascend Ones ghost is captured by the manipulated eye We simply die Cremated Buried This is our immortality Remembered and or forgotten And the world lives on without the burden of you   232   THE GOD COMPLEX   Time declines human movement Ageing us fragile and sickly And then into the presence of death We must venture Wandering into that unknown Lamenting process One path into light The other into night The watchmaker decides   233 LOATHSOME SERENITY   Dying Death Decay This is as I see myself Through this stained mirror of life As the cracks of light Become sewn by solitary darkness And then I dream eternal beneath As time passes by Ageing, slowly withering the reflections Of those poor aimless souls above   234   THE MORTICIAN’S INQUISITION   How’s life? Like an abortionists knife Yes, yes it is! All children die Flies dripping maggots like tears Worms swimming through the tongue of the mouth Cold death of erect nipples and cocks Swollen lips and no gag reflex That feeling of semen and blood stains Another body drained through sexual butchery   235   DROWNING IN CLOUDS OF STALE FLESH   That old feeling emerges again Depressive, rotten nostalgia Deep in the pit of my cancerous bones Maggots chewing through my intestines Worms slithering into my bowels like fresh piles of grave dirt Blood oozing from my penis like green semen Vomiting ulcerous pain from my stomach Erupting through my esophagus like fire  And foaming out of my mouth like rabies I dream of these dreams still as an adult Infants burnt, rats eating their eyelids and fingertips Mothers weeping and holding their dead fetus in a swarm of flies And when I remember this is just a dream I smile And wait to wake up to a world of that same dream I had only just dreamt   236   THE MIND ASYLUM Behind the locked configuration Of ignorant bliss There is a tumor of suffering Misery hidden within walls Of cancerous thoughts The eyes shine with despair When viewed through clearest mirrors A mocking reflection Of our anguished existence   237   A TIMELESS MALEVOLENCE Emanating Sounds and structures Of the void we’ve created Then destroyed slowly and faithfully Only to create anew and discard Old theories Dead textures born by force We forge ideals from a vortex of memories Of hatred and depression We deaf followers We blind followers We mute followers To an empire of ill-repute   238   DEATH   Those we love In time Like fruit rots and falls from the tree As the beauty and scent of flowers wither away Our lives are cloaked in grey skies We never had life Since birth we were bound to death The only proven entity No gods No cures Science has failed Oh death the hand that Takes us all when arrogance and ignorance Becomes a habit The body a carcass of meat The soul evaporated in the wind   239